CD 10 - Stim Day 9 - Apology

Today's stats:

Lining: 9.4mm
Right: 14,14,13,11
Left: 14,13,12,11,11,10,10,10
E2: 2402

Stay on 300iu Follistim tonight but drop down to 225iu in the AM. I don't think I will be ready for the trigger tomorrow as planned. Maybe Tuesday for a Thursday retrieval or it may even get pushed to a Friday retrieval. I prefer Tuesday or Wednesday because I don't want to stim as long as I did last time, but if I have to, to get more mature eggs then I guess thats what I will have to do.

Okay so on to my apology..... I had a revelation yesterday but didn't get a chance to get on and post yesterday. So here it is....

Dear Body,

I want to apologize because I often talk down to you. I often feel that you have let me down because you haven't responded in the way I wanted you to respond. However, I fail to remember the simple things that you do for me. My heart continues to beat, my lungs continue to pump. My eyes continue to see and my ears continue to hear. My limbs work, and my muscles do too and because of all this I say thank you. You are the temple that God blessed me with, I am to cherish and take care of you. I only get one and you are the one I have been blessed with. I wish it were simpler to be able to get pregnant, but thank God for medical interventions. I know all the things I do to you on a daily basis with the injections and the drugs and the many surgeries I've had may not be the easiest on you, but you stay strong and continue to push through. So body I apologize for talking down to you for not responding the way I want you to respond, but thank you body for all the small things that you continue to do.

For those that will ask, yes thats me. Back when I was trying to become a model (Dec. 2006).

CD 9 - Stim day 8 - Recap

Lining: 8.1mm
Right: 13,13,11,10
Left: 13,12,11,11,10,10
E2: 1562

CD 8 - Stim Day 7 - The thoughts that linger....

Lining: 6.6mm
Right: 12, 12, 10
Left: 11, 10, 10
E2: 1058

So I'm no longer in my oooh this is going great mood. My mood is weird to explain. Its like I know this is our last attempt....yes I want with all my heart for this to work, yet I have this disconnected feeling like I'm sheltering myself from the inevitable. I want this to work more than anything else, yet in the back of my mind I keep telling myself, well if it doesn't work it wasn't meant to be. Which is still hard to accept because you mean to tell me drug addicts, and those who abuse their kids were meant to be? Ugghh the many thoughts that run through my head. However, this disconnected feeling has given me the most unusual and freakish calm ever. Yes, I think about my numbers and hope and pray that they grow, but I have this weird detached feeling that I can't seem to put my finger on. Its like I'm going through the motions, hoping and praying the best and thats its. No attachment at all. Like I'm watching someones else life through a window. But any who, I'm rambling and probably not making sense because I'm not even making sense to myself.....

I'm not sure what to think about all of this. Its so different from last cycle. My E2 is high, but not many follies showing. Last cycle on CD 8 Stim Day 7 I had Right: 11 and Left: 14,10 and my E2: 417. So if you look at it that way I'm ahead of the game, but last time when my E2 was 1118 on Stim Day 10 I had 16 follies growing. Now my E2 is 1058 and only 6 follies growing. I guess I can think quality over quantity, but I at least want something to work with, without having to stim as long as I did last time.

Trying not to stress about it or think to much about it, so I guess I will see what tomorrow brings....

CD 7 - Stim Day 6 - No longer pleased.....Not impressed....

I wasn't too happy with today's results, I'm progressing I just want to get there faster! Right: 10, 11, (4 smaller ones) and Left: 10, (4 smaller ones). E2=680. I also had my history and physical today. Dr. ML said that I am stimming slowly but that I'm already of ahead of last cycle by 2 days. I reminded her that I was on a higher dose last time. Last time I was on 300iu Follistim twice a day and this time I'm on 225iu Follistim twice a day. She said that she didn't want to bump my meds because it would take like two more amps and she was trying to save us money. (The follistim without insurance is about $900 a box and she said I would need two more boxes.)

I reminded her that although my IVF coverage had ran out my insurance thankfully still covered 80% of my medicine cost. I also have like 3 boxes of 900iu Follistim in the refrigerator because I based the amount I bought off how much I used last time. She was like oh great, since you got it I'm going to bump you up to 300iu tonight and 300iu tomorrow morning because I want you to get to where you were last time, just faster. She said I was trying to be conservative to save you cash. Um thanks Dr. ML I appreciate it, but whats most important to me right now is getting a great response so I have some great looking embies to transfer!

I also made sure to confirm that ICSI will be done on all and that three embryos will be transferred again. So I said Dr. ML, we're still good to go with ICSI on all and transferring three right, she said huh, I said just like last time except we're making sure to ICSI all right?!? She was like yeah we can still transfer three, but you know the risk it could still happen. Nancy my amazing nurse was like you know Tash!d@ would love twins. Dr. ML who is probably in her low 60's was like yeah I know but we're not supposed to encourage it. But transferring 3 is what it is!! Back again tomorrow for another u/s and b/w.

Oh yeah my nurse mentioned something really interesting to me. She said they are thinking about doing away with E2 numbers as they are learning they really don't mean anything. I was like really?!? She was like yeah, I was like well what about that thing you guys say about cancelling if E2 reaches 4500 because of the lining breaking down. She said we are seeing different and think it really doesn't matter anymore. :o/ I still want to know mine!

Recap:
Right: 10, 11, (4 smaller ones)
Left: 10, (4 smaller ones)
E2: 680

CD 6 - Stim Day 5 - Pleased....

I still have only that 1 on the right ovary that is measurable, its still a 10. I'm very pleased with the way things are going. The nurse showed me the ultrasound and showed me 4 more follies on the right that were measuring around 8 or 9 and 6 on the left ovary that are measuring around 8 or 9, so they should start showing up tomorrow or Friday. They don't list anything under 10. I'm on CD 6 - Stim Day 5 and I think I'm right on schedule with the schedule they gave me. They have you stimming until CD11 - Stim Day 10, and by that time the 8's should be about 18's provided they grow the 2mm per day....which could vary...some may grow faster some slower!

Thats 11 just counting whats already showing on the screen and in 5 days I'm pretty sure more will pop up. And I've read anything over 15 has the potential to be mature. I'm going to get that 5DT that I want, in Jesus Name! I'm glad too that I don't have any lead follies but they're all around the same size which mean they will all mature around the same time. I'm also happy that I can feel my ovaries working. I wasn't feeling anything around this time last time....so thats good too! And if everything thing continues to go as plan I will be right on schedule for my ER on Wednesday - works perfect for DH as he already have Wednesday's off at his job. I did decide that I'm going to take a couple of days off after transfer to lay around the house.

Lining: 6.4mm
Right: 10, 4 < 10
Left: 6 < 10
E2: 520

I go back again tomorrow and will do my history and physical as well.

Prayers that the smaller ones that are not being measured are measurable tomorrow!

So far so good!

My appointment was bright and early this morning at 7 a.m. My lining was 6.2 and I had a 10 in the right and a 8 in the left. Both had more smaller ones but they don't measure them until they are bigger. I must say I left the office feelings kind of blaze blaze thinking that history was repeating itself.

I looked back at the results from my last IVF....IVF#3 and on Day 5 I only have one measurable follie which was a 10...just like this morning. My E2 was only 73. I was like oh no God, please don't let this be another repeat. So I get to work and I'm searching and searching and searching about E2 numbers and trying to find what an acceptable level for Day 5 should be and I found something that said over 100 should be good. So I was reasoning with God saying okay God I will be happy if my E2 is 150. A couple of hours later I reasoned again and said well God actually I will be happy if my E2 is 175.

I just wanted to know that this new protocol I'm on and all these changes I've been doing were helping. Well after looking at my phone a couple of hundred times it finally rung and said my RE office number....YES, about time!

Nancy (my nurse) and I have quite a history and unfortunately she has been the one to break bad news to me on more than one occasion. But not this time! She said you're doing awesome...I was like really, she said yep your E2 is 378. I was like WOOHOO! She was like just for comparison, this time last cycle it was only 73. I said now Nancy you know I have been back over all my numbers and have been analyzing it all back and forth....she was like yeah I know.

So I told her I told myself I would be happy if it was 175 and it was double that! So I was thrilled! I just had a feeling that it would be low and she would tell me to up my meds and skip the appointment for tomorrow and come back Thursday, but nope I was wrong! She told me to stay on the same dose and come in tomorrow for my appointment. Bright and early at 7 a.m. Feels good to be wrong sometimes! I just pray the good news keep coming! I keep telling myself....This is my month! THIS IS MY MONTH!

Recap:

Lining: 6.2mm
Right: 10 (+ some smaller ones)
Left: 8 (+ some smaller ones)
E2: 378

Baseline for IVF# 4

So I called today to tell my nurse that AF had started and she had me come in this morning on CD 1 instead of CD 2. Drumroll........THANK YOU GOD! ALL CLEAR!!!! NO CYST!!! GREEN LIGHT to start stims!!






It was funny the way it happened. Okay the way the office does appointments is you go the front desk they send you to get blood, you go back to the front desk then they send you to an ultrasound done. The U/S techs send you back out with a piece of paper with everything that was seen on the u/s with u/s pics taped to the back. Then you are sent back to the front desk and wait on your nurse to come get you. It seems complicated but actually works pretty smooth. But anyway my nurse called my name and I walked up to her and handed her my paper - she yells 'I LOVE IT!' everyone in the waiting room looks our way I was like I love it too! She was like your paper don't have any cyst listed I was like I know...she kept saying I love it, I love it. Followed by my 'me too!' Then she said that everything looks great, the volume in my ovaries, lining, etc. I have 11 antral follies on the right and 10 antral follies on the left.



So here is my protocol:


CD 1 - 20 units Lupron
CD 2-4 ~ 20 units Lupron AM/ 225iu Follistim AM and 225 IU Follistim PM
CD 5-11 ~ 5 units Lupron AM/ 225iu Follistim AM and 225 IU Follistim PM



Appts:
CD 5 - Tue @ 7:15
CD 6 - Wed @ 7
CD 7 - Thur @ 9:00 + History and Physical
CD 8 - Fri @ 7
CD 9 - Sat @ 845
CD 10 - Sun @ 830
CD 11 - Mon @ 7
CD 12 - Tue - Pre-op Appt
CD 13 - Wed - Tenative ER