5DP4DT - 9DPO

I tested this morning with SMU and got a very faint positive at 9DPO. Prayers that it continues to get darker. I showed DH and he was able to see it. He asked me isn't it too early for it to be positive and asked if it could still be trigger. I then showed him the test from yesterday and from Friday that were both negative and he said oh...wonder how many are in there.

Its very faint, and I doubt it will show up here, but I'll see:

This one was taken within the time limit and very faint:

This is the same test, pic taken after the test has dried:

Tested again....yeah I'm addicted. Sorry its dark. I didn't have the natural sunlight in my bathroom to help out my sucky camera! But good news is....in real life its getting darker.

4DP4DT

Well I'm officially in the 2ww and I have been for the past 4 days. I started testing out my trigger at 5DPO / 1DP4DT and it was negative within the time allotted to look at the test. I was quite disappointed as I get a kick out of testing out my trigger. The test did turn positive after it dried, so I guess my trigger was 'kind of' out at 5DPO if I base it off the instructions of don't look back after the time has elapsed. Same results for 6DPO / 2DP4DT it was negative within the time period but once it dried I'm able to see a line. However yesterday's test 7DPO / 3DP4DT was negative within the time period and once it dried I still don't see anything. So today's test at 8DPO / 4DP4DT I think I may see the faintest of faint faint line. Its one of those ones you look at and think you see something but not sure if you see something or not and you have to pull your POAS Goggles out and still not sure if you see something. So of course, its very early so I counted it as a BFN, but will look again when I go upstairs to see what it looks like after it dries just because I'm a curious George.

I'm still in great spirits and still feel very great and positive about this cycle. I pray that continues and I have a reason to be celebrating in a few days!

They're in!!

Well after all the drama, my embies have made it into their home.

So since I used my favorite cartoon characters in the Winnie the Pooh family last time to name my embryos I had to go to my favorite movie to name these babies!

So with no further delay I introduce you to in clockwise order: Pumba, Timon, Simba & Nala

Timon & Pumbaa - My 5 Day Frozen Blast - Embryologist was unable to give a grade for the frozen blast because when they are frozen the cells bind to each other and the longer they are left out after the thaw the more they come back to their blast form where you can see the inner cell mass. Embryologist said they would have had to sit out for another 5 or 6 hours to get to the point where they could grade them and they don't like to leave them out that long. But he did know that they were frozen on Day 5.

Bottom right is Simba - My Morula (right on track for Day 4 - was the 8 cell yesterday).

And to the left is Nala - My Pre-Morula (almost at the point she needs to be - was the 6 cell yesterday).

Thank you all very much for your prayers! Now the wait begins!

Hakuna Matata!

Man, Man, Man! What a Day!

This is a long one.....get comfy in your seat!

8:00 a.m. - Well thanks to a post from a fellow FFer last night she got my mind thinking again so DH and I had another conversation.In this conversation I couldn't for the life of my figure out why I counted out the 3 day embryos so much when it was a 3 day embryo that got me pregnant my one and only time in the past 5 years. No it didn't stick, but I was at least pregnant for about a week and a half. And so many other women get pregnant from 3 day........ So I reminded DH about that, that we did get pregnant on a 3 day transfer.So what we decided is we will go in and see what quality we are working with. If the 2 are great looking 3-day embies we will transfer those and pray and hope for the best. If they don't look good we will ask them about going ahead and transferring them today and asking if its possible for us to come back on Wednesday and transfer one or both of the blast depending on how they looked. I looked at our cost sheet and the transfer itself cost about $1350. We already paid $1500 for freezing and storage, which we obviously don't need now, so if they are willing to do that we would be willing to pay for the extra transfer. But thats if and only if the embryos today don't look worth anything. And if this cycle doesn't work, I guess the FET with our 2 frozen blast will be our last shot at it. DH brought up surrogacy yesterday and I could have poked him in his eye balls because I'm so not ready for that conversation and makes me feel like he is counting my body out before even giving it a shot.
Since last cycle that was a chemical was after wasting 2 cycles on the horrible idiotic RE and it was after my much needed surgery that removed all or some of the junk that should have been done before IVF#1.Any who..... I'll update later and let you all know how it goes. I really do appreciate you all weighing in with your thoughts and suggestions. It really does help!

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9:30 a.m. - Wow......I'm shocked. Well my nurse just called me and was like can you call GRS so that we can get the embryos over here. I was like um okay. But whats going on they scheduled me for a transfer yesterday. She was like oh they haven't talked to you . What the embryologist and Dr. ML decided is that they're going to do is transfer the two today and thaw the other two and transfer them on Wednesday. I was like wow, DH and I just had this conversation last night and we said that we were going to ask if that was possible. She was like oh yeah they decided this morning so come in as scheduled then we're bringing you back in on Wednesday.
Um....so wow....does that really mean they're going to transfer 4......
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1:00 p.m. - Well I'm back and nothing was transferred.

As if I didn't have enough stress going on in my life they add more to it.

Mind you this conversation is taking place while everyone around me is clothed but I'm sitting on a table naked from the bottom down with a little sheet draped over me.

I get there and I have a 8 cell and 6 cell both grade B. Its some doctor in there I've never seen before, the embryologist and the nurse and DH and I. Then they get to talking about doing two transfers and how they don't really like to do two transfers because its possible to push the first ones up into my fallopian tubes and cause an ectopic. Okay I understand that. So then it was suggested that I come in tomorrow and do a 4DT with the thawed blast transferring all 4 at one time. Okay that sounds like a plan. Great.

Then the doctor starts on this spill about well maybe we can freeze all of them and put you on lupron for 3 months because I've had great success putting women on Lupron for 3 months right before doing a transfer who has Stage IV Endo. It can double your chances. Then he goes on to say how my E2 is so high and if I get pregnant I could be in the hospital for weeks. He said he know how difficult it can be to wait another 3 months when I've already been waiting and I agreed and said that I'm tired of waiting I've already been waiting 7 months just to get to this point. Then he goes on to say how a woman who gets pregnant on her own E2 number is only in the 200's and my is over 5500 and he think it may have an effect on implantation. So then I said I asked about my E2 before it even went over 4500 and they said it wasn't an issue. Then he goes on to say that it's a never ending medical argument and some people believe it effects implantation when others don't think it do. So I tell him again, I'm tired of waiting and this is it for us. I want to transfer tomorrow. He says okay. (this is the short version as this conversation went on and on for like 10 minutes on why we shouldn't go through with transfer). And where in the world is my doctor who I haven't seen since my history and physical? She didn't do my egg retrieval and apparently wasn't going to do my transfer either!

Then he leaves out and the nurse asks what I'm thinking. I say the same thing again, I'm tired of waiting and I don't want to wait. She looks at DH and says what do you think. He says I want to wait the 3 months and then do the transfer. Of course its easy for all you to say that when you haven't been in my shoes, waiting forever for something you tried forever to make happen. By this time I'm pissed because I feel like I'm being ganged up on like if I go on with this and it don't work then everyone can then say well I told you so. Then this nurse just doesn't stop. (as she is whispering because she know she ain't got no business telling me what she think because it aint her place) She keeps going on and on about her friend who did IVF 5 times, they told her she would never and I mean never get pregnant on her on. Then she went to doctor whoever he was that was in there talking to me and she did the lupron for 3 months and she is pregnant with twins now and I just went to the baby shower on Saturday. So I'm sitting there....still naked as she go on and on. Saying I know you have a lot to think about but you have to decide if you want to wait and have a higher % of it working or if you want to go ahead and have a lower % of it working. And maybe if you wait you too can have twins. And she just keeps going and going and by this time I want to punch her in her throat and tell her to mind her own business! So I finally go empty my bladder and change and I still hear her out there talking to DH about whats so good about waiting. Then I come out and she says I'm sure Nancy (my nurse) will want to talk to you about this, I'll have her call you. I say fine. Thanks. So as we're walking out, as if DH couldn't see that I was already pissed and had nothing to say about the whole thing he says so what are you going to do. I don't even answer him because at this point I didn't know whether to scream or cry. He met me at the doctors so I was walking to my car and he was walking to his and I just walk away with nothing to say at all. So then he text me saying that's why you always feel like you're alone in this because you never listen to what I think. I won't say anything else, do whats best for u and I'm not coming if its tomorrow. ( I already knew this because he can't get off again for his job, but he didn't have to say it like this!)

Great love...thanks just keep pouring it on me! Then I text him saying are you not the one that said an upteen million times why would a FET work if a fresh cycle hasn't worked. Then he texted backed well we already spent over $20,000 already whats it going to hurt to spend 3 or 4 more for a better chance on something that you haven't tried before, but I'm not going to argue with you, do what you want. So then I texted him back that I appreciate the way he just decide what he want to do not taking into account nothing that I've been through and the hell I've been through these past 7 months just waiting. Why didn't somebody think about this bright idea of being on lupron for 3 months when I've been sitting here these 7 months just waiting.
So that's where I am now.......

7:45 p.m. - Come to think about it, I think that nurse was an ultrasound tech....because she did the ultrasound on my belly to see how full my bladder was.....makes it even worse for her 2 cent she threw in.

Okay well in an odd change of events, my nurse Nancy the one I haven't spoken to since she told me trigger called me and asked me what I decided. I told her that I would be transferring tomorrow. She said okay, Dr. ML (my RE) wants to speak to you....do you have time. I said yeah sure. (Shocked because my RE has never called to speak to me....the only time I've spoken to her on the phone is when I ask to speak to her....normally messages are passed through the nurse) She gets on the phone and the first thing that comes out her mouth is "I'm Sorry." That was the last thing I was expecting. I was expecting her to get on the phone and give her thoughts on what the other RE had said. Nope....none of that. She said that I'm very sorry that I wasn't there for your transfer and I will be there tomorrow to do you transfer. I told her that I felt bombarded like no one was on the same page with me but that everyone was against me. She apologized again and said that she was very sorry that her or Nancy was not there for me but that she would be there tomorrow. She then said that we have your 2 blasts here and we'll be ready for you when you get here.

So I have to be there tomorrow at 1:15 for a 1:30 transfer and they will transfer all 4. Today my embyros were a 6 cell and 8 cell so we will see what they are tomorrow.

My mom was very sweet and said that if this cycle doesn't work, that she got $5,000 on the next cycle. But she told me not to give up until I get my hearts desire.

Doctors are bucking our decision.....

Thanks Ladies.


Well I had a nurse call me today to schedule my transfer for tomorrow at noon. So I went over the whole spill with her again about wanting to wait till Wednesday and that I had spoken to a nurse named Lynda and told her all this yesterday. She said yes, I see a note from her on your chart, hold on for a second while I read what she said. She came back to the phone and said that she noted what you wanted but that the doctors didn’t think it would be the best thing to do. I said well after she told me that I told her that we wanted to risk it and she said it would be up to us and not the doctors. I told her she also had one of the embryologist call me and when he called I missed the call but he left a message saying that he would call GRS on Monday and if all the paper work is done like we say then they could get the embryos over on the same day. She said that it must be some kind of miss up and that the head embryologist was in today and she was going to call upstairs to speak to him.


So she calls me back and said that the embryologist doesn’t think it would be in our best interest to mix the ones from this time with the frozen ones because they’re not sure if they will make it to blast and that they would rather save them for a FET next time. (Well if you’re so confident in these ones you’re trying to put back in me tomorrow then why do you keep mentioning a FET? Wouldn’t that be the farthest thing you think about if you’re so confident the embryos will do better in utero?) The nurse said that she would put a note on my chart to let the doctors know what I wanted to do an maybe the doctor would call me in the morning before the scheduled time. I bluntly said to the nurse – we know what the risks are and we are willing to take the risk. We have spent over $30,000 and we’re not trying to spend another $4,000 on a FET. We want to push these 2 to 5 day and transfer the best looking 3 and be done with it all. We’re not trying to put our hopes on another FET because this was going to be it for us. The nurse said I understand and I will let the doctor know your stands on this and have her call you in the morning. If she doesn’t call show up in the morning at 1145 prepared for transfer and you can speak to her then.


So what I’m getting from this is forget what you want – do what we want you to do. Even though every cent that paid for this cycle came from DH and I account and last time I check the clinic didn’t give us a discount for jack!

We decided to....

So after talking we have decided to push to a 5 day transfer.

1. Because DH doesn't have any faith in a FET cycle if IVF hasn't worked the 3 times we've did it. He knows that a fresh cycle has a higher % rate than a FET. I guess he really has been listening to me and my rambling for the last few years.

2. Also he didn't want to spend the extra $4000 for another FET cycle. We're already knocking on $30K and I would rather put the extra money to adoption or something...which he isn't quite ready for.....

3. He also asked if it won't make it to 5 day will it make it inside of you. I said that is the million dollar question and there is no way to tell.

What he want to do is to go to 5 day and if all 4 make it he wants to transfer all 4 if they will let us. If not I guess we will push for the 3 and transfer the best looking 3. I doubt the 2 blast we have on ice are great quality as its the last 2 of the 6 we had and they normally transfer the best of the best first so I'm not even sure what grade they are. But if they are low quality I don't see any harm in transferring 4. With my body and all my issues I think its a less than 1% chance that they will all stick and we would be lucky to get one good healthy one to stick.

So thats the plan. We will see how it go, but either way we won't have any regrets.

Talked to Nurse....

Just talked to the nurse and she said my Dr and the embryologist don't suggest mixing the blast with this cycle because the 2 I have would have to be grown to the blast stage in order for that to happen and due to my cycle this time and my numbers they are not sure if they will make it to 5 day blast so they recommend doing the 3 day transfer and saving the others for a FET. The said that your endmetrin or something may not be receptable to blast. I said well well the difference....if they don't think the 2 I have will make it to a 5 day, why waste my time doing a 3 day transfer if they dont' think they will make it. Then she says well they think it may do better in utero. I said but you just said that they said my utero isn't receptive to blast why would it be receptive to 3 day. She was going around in circles and unable to answer any questions that I was asking. So I then asked her if we wanted to take the risk and try to grow the other 2 out to day 5 is it our choice or is the choice left up to the doctors. She said that it was our choice. DH and I talked briefly about it before and I asked him if he wanted to risk it, and he was like no do you want to risk it. So of course he is leaving the decision in my lap and I don't know what I should do. He is sleep right now and trying to talk to him now is like trying to talk to a brick wall....so I gotta wait till he wakes up and see what he has to say now since I've spoken to the nurse.

Any thoughts/suggestions?