Well I thought that I would pick back up with the blogging thing again. I have so much going through my head and I feel that this would be the best place to journal my thoughts and hopefully get some feedback from those of you out there reading.
Update since my last post in November 2007:
I still haven't made it to that IVF cycle. I didn't respond the way I wanted to for that cycle so it was converted to a double IUI which was a BFN as well - the story of my life.
I had a baseline the first week in January were 3 cysts were found, so once again my cycle was put on hold and I had to start BCPs.
Back again on that next Friday for a cyst check, one cyst gone 2 still there. Continue BCPs and stop on this Monday and come back in when AF (Aunt Flo) starts.
I just started doing acupuncture last Monday and I have another session on Monday afternoon. I take my last BCP on Monday and wait for AF which should start on Thursday and I will attempt my baseline again on Friday.
I'm not feeling too hopeful as I still feel a lot of tingles and cramps in my ovaries so I'm not to hopeful that the cysts are gone. I hope they are but if my ovaries were quiet and suppressed like they should be I highly doubt I would be feeling what I have been.
I'm just so tired of the waiting game and my body letting me down. I just only hope and pray that my cysts are gone at my baseline on Friday.
Now that I've updated, I can jump right back into this blogging thing!
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Monday, October 29, 2007
Started BCPs Today
Well the cycle is beginning again. I started BCPs today. My baseline will be Nov 9th. Praying that no cyst are seen on the ultrasound and I can start stimming after the baseline. My new RE likes to start stims after being off BCPs for 4 days so maybe Nov. 11th.
Update: This cycle ended up being cancelled and converted to an IUI - BFN.
Update: This cycle ended up being cancelled and converted to an IUI - BFN.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
IVF Consult....Round 2!
Okay I’m back from my IVF Consult now….round 2. Dr. ML said I should feel lighter after all the junk she cleaned out of me. She started the conversation off by saying I definitely won’t get pregnant on my own. I guess because of the way my insides looked. She said my ovaries were 3 times the normal size. But she said she thought they looked really good after she got done and she was pleased with herself if she must say so herself.
But the news is I will go on BCPs on day 3 of my upcoming cycle. She wants my ovaries to remain quiet because she doesn’t want them producing anymore cyst. I will be on BCPs for 14 days at that time I will go in for a baseline ultrasound. If all is okay at this Baseline ultrasound meaning no cyst I will stop the BCPs have another AF and start stims.
She decided to switch my meds up this time from Bravelle & Menopur to Follistim and Ganirelix. I was on Bravelle & Menopur last cycle. She said the Follistim and Ganirelix works good for younger women to help keep them from overstimming since I overstimmed last time. She doesn’t want that to happen again. If my E2 reaches 4500 she will cancel the cycle, freeze all of the embies and do a Frozen Embryo Transfer a month later. Last time at retrieval my E2 was well over 5,000 which she says once it reaches that high point the lining starts to break down. Oh yeah, no Lupron this time.
I’m thinking my retrieval should be somewhere around Thanksgiving with a transfer around the first week in December with a BETA – pregnancy test somewhere around the week before Christmas or a little before….12 days after transfer. I’ve haven’t figured out all my dates yet, but that’s what I’m thinking.
She was really adamant about only putting 2 embies back in because of my age, so Adr!@n and I lost that battle. But she said she do not want me pregnant with triplets because I will have to go on bedrest at 20 weeks and I’m small frame and we would risk losing all of them. She said she did a good job cleaning out all the endo and she thinks that’s why it wasn’t working before so we shouldn’t get too proactive about putting 3 in and they mess around and all stick. I see me caring for 2 at one time but I can’t picture 3. So I’m okay with only putting 2 back in.
So that’s that. The wait and needle sticks begin again!
But the news is I will go on BCPs on day 3 of my upcoming cycle. She wants my ovaries to remain quiet because she doesn’t want them producing anymore cyst. I will be on BCPs for 14 days at that time I will go in for a baseline ultrasound. If all is okay at this Baseline ultrasound meaning no cyst I will stop the BCPs have another AF and start stims.
She decided to switch my meds up this time from Bravelle & Menopur to Follistim and Ganirelix. I was on Bravelle & Menopur last cycle. She said the Follistim and Ganirelix works good for younger women to help keep them from overstimming since I overstimmed last time. She doesn’t want that to happen again. If my E2 reaches 4500 she will cancel the cycle, freeze all of the embies and do a Frozen Embryo Transfer a month later. Last time at retrieval my E2 was well over 5,000 which she says once it reaches that high point the lining starts to break down. Oh yeah, no Lupron this time.
I’m thinking my retrieval should be somewhere around Thanksgiving with a transfer around the first week in December with a BETA – pregnancy test somewhere around the week before Christmas or a little before….12 days after transfer. I’ve haven’t figured out all my dates yet, but that’s what I’m thinking.
She was really adamant about only putting 2 embies back in because of my age, so Adr!@n and I lost that battle. But she said she do not want me pregnant with triplets because I will have to go on bedrest at 20 weeks and I’m small frame and we would risk losing all of them. She said she did a good job cleaning out all the endo and she thinks that’s why it wasn’t working before so we shouldn’t get too proactive about putting 3 in and they mess around and all stick. I see me caring for 2 at one time but I can’t picture 3. So I’m okay with only putting 2 back in.
So that’s that. The wait and needle sticks begin again!
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Warning....if you have a weak stomach don't look!
Pictures from my laparoscopy. Okay I will try to explain the pictures to you as I paste them. The first two pictures are from my surgery back in 2005. You can tell a difference between these and the ones from yesterday.
Before 2005 the corn looking things are bad:
After 2005:
These are from my surgery yesterday: Before looking from the outside:
This one is before...you can see all the junk in there has my insides all stuck together:
This one you can see my ovaries and fallopian tubes are all stuck together:
This one is pictures of my ovaries:
I had 9 endometriums in my ovaries. Endometriums are like cyst. Its the ones with the brown stuff draining out....I think the medical terms for those are chocholate cyst.
This is my insides now......what a normal inside should look like. In the middle you can see the uterus and on the left and right you can clearly see the ovaries and the fallopian tubes....which is good!
Last picture shows that the dye came through my tubes....so my tubes are open:
Before 2005 the corn looking things are bad:
After 2005:
These are from my surgery yesterday: Before looking from the outside:
This one is before...you can see all the junk in there has my insides all stuck together:
This one you can see my ovaries and fallopian tubes are all stuck together:
This one is pictures of my ovaries:
I had 9 endometriums in my ovaries. Endometriums are like cyst. Its the ones with the brown stuff draining out....I think the medical terms for those are chocholate cyst.
This is my insides now......what a normal inside should look like. In the middle you can see the uterus and on the left and right you can clearly see the ovaries and the fallopian tubes....which is good!
Last picture shows that the dye came through my tubes....so my tubes are open:
Friday, October 5, 2007
Laparascopy, Hysteroscopy, D&C
Surgery today.......All went well. Thanks for all the prayers. She said it was really bad in there but she was able to clean it up. The surgery took about 2 hours and about 45 minutes for me to wake up in recovery. She made two incisisions....thats not bothering me right now. My back and chest have been hurting from all the gas. She gave me a lot of pictures....so if you can stomach seeing them, pictures will follow later.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Appt with New RE (Reproductive Specialist)
I am too angry right now!
My appointment with the new RE was today:
She started by saying that my E2 numbers on my first cycle was sky high 5200 prior to my retrieval. She said that high E2 numbers can hinder an IVF from being successful. High E2 number effect the quality of the lining...I would be dunn if that wasn't the same thing that I read on the internet and asked my doctor about....and he blew it off like it was nothing. She said at their clinic they cancel transfers when the E2 reaches like 4000 and freeze them all and do the FET with the next cycle.
That was number 1.
Number 2 was she would have never have proceeded with my FIRST cycle without surgery. She looked at my history, looked at the pictures from my surgery and asked a few questions and basically said I think your endo is really bad and it can be affecting your implantation.(In my head I was like I know its bad...I feel the pain every month) She said its something that your body puts into your lining when you have endo to affect implantation and something it doesn't put in there when its not there to enhance implantation. She asked if I knew if my ovaries had endometriums in them. I was like yes they did and she was like are you sure how do you know....I was like he measured them and I had like 10 of them ranging in the size form 9mm to 16mm....and her mouth dropped open and she was like you continued on in your cycle. I was like yes this was my baseline before starting my stims...he took my blood to see my E2 level to make sure they wasn't active and they wasn't so he told me to start my stims. She said did they have fluid in them I was like yes...she said how do you know I said he was measuring them on the ultrasound screen....she shook her head again..... I said even with my FET baseline he was like the endometriums are still there and proceeding on with that. She just shook her head. By this time I can see steam coming out of Adr!@n's ears. He was clearly upset. All these questions we were asking my last doctor and he was just ignoring us and basically taking us for our money because he knew our insurance was paying 100%.
She then goes to do my pelvic exam....you know how they stick the two fingers in there and push on your belly??? Well she went to push on my belly and I had to stop in mid sentence to her and about slid off the table it hurt so bad...she was like yeah you have a lot of junk going on in there...I was like so you can feel my endometriosis just from that and she was like....I was fuming by then!!!
But in conclusion she wants to do another laproscope surgery...but she will be doing this surgery herself. She said she will spend a lot of time in there getting it all and out my ovaries so we can go right into a next cycle. She thinks my endometriosis grows back quick and she doesn't want to give it anytime to grow back. She wants me to have my surgery after AF goes off so thats in about 3 weeks and then she wants to jump right into an IVF cycle...she said so I should be cycling around the end of October or so.
I really like her as she seems aggressive in her treatment and making this happen....I'm just so mad I didn't listen to Adr!@n prior to the FET cycle and get a second opinion like he suggested.
Adr!@n wants to talk to a medical lawyer to see about doing something with this doctor that was clearly just taking our money knowing nothing would amount in the end....so we will see what happens with that.
My appointment with the new RE was today:
She started by saying that my E2 numbers on my first cycle was sky high 5200 prior to my retrieval. She said that high E2 numbers can hinder an IVF from being successful. High E2 number effect the quality of the lining...I would be dunn if that wasn't the same thing that I read on the internet and asked my doctor about....and he blew it off like it was nothing. She said at their clinic they cancel transfers when the E2 reaches like 4000 and freeze them all and do the FET with the next cycle.
That was number 1.
Number 2 was she would have never have proceeded with my FIRST cycle without surgery. She looked at my history, looked at the pictures from my surgery and asked a few questions and basically said I think your endo is really bad and it can be affecting your implantation.(In my head I was like I know its bad...I feel the pain every month) She said its something that your body puts into your lining when you have endo to affect implantation and something it doesn't put in there when its not there to enhance implantation. She asked if I knew if my ovaries had endometriums in them. I was like yes they did and she was like are you sure how do you know....I was like he measured them and I had like 10 of them ranging in the size form 9mm to 16mm....and her mouth dropped open and she was like you continued on in your cycle. I was like yes this was my baseline before starting my stims...he took my blood to see my E2 level to make sure they wasn't active and they wasn't so he told me to start my stims. She said did they have fluid in them I was like yes...she said how do you know I said he was measuring them on the ultrasound screen....she shook her head again..... I said even with my FET baseline he was like the endometriums are still there and proceeding on with that. She just shook her head. By this time I can see steam coming out of Adr!@n's ears. He was clearly upset. All these questions we were asking my last doctor and he was just ignoring us and basically taking us for our money because he knew our insurance was paying 100%.
She then goes to do my pelvic exam....you know how they stick the two fingers in there and push on your belly??? Well she went to push on my belly and I had to stop in mid sentence to her and about slid off the table it hurt so bad...she was like yeah you have a lot of junk going on in there...I was like so you can feel my endometriosis just from that and she was like....I was fuming by then!!!
But in conclusion she wants to do another laproscope surgery...but she will be doing this surgery herself. She said she will spend a lot of time in there getting it all and out my ovaries so we can go right into a next cycle. She thinks my endometriosis grows back quick and she doesn't want to give it anytime to grow back. She wants me to have my surgery after AF goes off so thats in about 3 weeks and then she wants to jump right into an IVF cycle...she said so I should be cycling around the end of October or so.
I really like her as she seems aggressive in her treatment and making this happen....I'm just so mad I didn't listen to Adr!@n prior to the FET cycle and get a second opinion like he suggested.
Adr!@n wants to talk to a medical lawyer to see about doing something with this doctor that was clearly just taking our money knowing nothing would amount in the end....so we will see what happens with that.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Same Story.....Different Day
Well it was a Big Fat Negative this morning so obviously yesterday's test was an evap. I'm starting to accept the fact that this did not work either. I am 12 DPO/7DP5DT and I have no hope that its still too early because its not. I'm so tired of being disappointed when it comes to this. Adr!@n and I have been at this for over four years now. I'm starting to think that maybe bearing a child is just not meant for me. As hard as that is for me to say in my head I know it will be even harder to accept, but I just don't know how much more I can take. Adr!@n just says to keep trying and keep trying until it happens and physically yes I can do that but mentally and emotionally I don't think I can handle it. It makes me feel like such a failure to not be able to bear my husbands children or even just a child at that. This empty void can be filled by adoption....yes. But the desire that I have to feel my baby moving around in my insides can not be replaced. I never imagined that the thing I have longed for since I was a little girl would come so hard for me to obtain....NEVER. I am the only one on both sides of my family that have to deal with this, and I just don't understand it. Why me. What have I done that I don't deserve to carry my child? I'm just so tired of this mess.... I am.
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