11DP3DT - Not good news...Beta only 9.5

Thanks ladies for all your well wishes and I wish I had good news for you....but I don't. Beta was only 9.5 - Nurse thinks it was a chemical.



I told her the test was darker today and she said to stay on progestrone and come in on Monday to see whats going on.



Well for the life of me I can't figure out how its only 9.5 and a 'chemical' if my test are still getting darker. The test on the top is from this moring The test in the middle I took when I got home after holding my P for 2 hours and its darker than this mornings:

This test is FRER....I don't have anything to compare it to because its the first time I used a FRER with this cycle...but the line is clearly there too:

And here are all three together:

I don't know what to think or what to feel....but I guess I just have to wait it out.

10DP3DT - Wow it's getting darker!

Still shocked about it.....very much so! Its like the line is getting darker but I'm still not believing it. I don't know when this will wear off....maybe the first beta....maybe the second, the ultrasound, or when my water breaks....I don't know. I really just want to enjoy it because I promised myself that when it finally happened I would enjoy it and not worry about every single thing that could go wrong. But maybe I just need confirmation then I will start to accept it. I always pictured how my reaction would be over the years of TTC and when I got this positive...it was nothing like that. I guess thats what IF does to you, it steals the joys and excitement away of things that should be joyous and exciting.

I wanted to thank you ladies for all your kind words! I really do appreciate them!

So the beta is tomorrow.....the BIG DAY!

Oh yeah so DH was at work yesterday when I got the clear positive and his birthday was the day before Feb 26th. So the way I showed him the test was I put it in a box and wrapped it.

On the outside of the box I wrote:

The final gift for you,

The final piece to complete your special day.

I know yesterday was great,

But this is the icing on the cake

This is him opening it:

First look:

He says: "You're Pregnant?!?":

Then he walks over to me to say look do you see it, its there and its pink and I can really see it as he points to the line:

The second look:

The third look:

The fourth look:

And the fifth look: (I thought it was a woman thing to keep going back and looking at test....nope....DH's do it too!)

He just kept saying wow, its pink and its really there! I couldnt' do nothing but laugh at him. I am so happy I was able to catch his facial expressions on camera like this!

Can you tell he has stared at a few negative test with me where I was trying to make him see something that really wasn't there. Or the faint faint test where we have to turn and flip just to see the faintest of faint faint line! Well this one he clearly had no problems seeing. I can't wait till he gets home so I can show him tonight's test and how it is even darker than the one from last night!

9DP3DT - Holy Cow.....Its ++++

Okay Ladies,

So I did not test this morning and said I wasn't going to test. However one of my fertility friends would not let it go so I was like fine I will test when I get home.

I took the test and left out the bathroom and went back in at the 5 minute mark and was like OH MY GOD.....its there! OMG!...Wow....Its there!

So I sent the picture to her and she was like see I told you so....I told you so. And I couldn't say anything but wow.

First time I've ever seen a positive that wasn't trigger....wow!

DH had to work late today so I haven't been able to share the news with him yet. But yesterday was his birthday so I put the test in a box and wrapped it and on the outside I typed this up and taped it to the box:

The final gift for you,
The final piece to complete your special day.
I know yesterday was great,
But this is the icing on the cake.

Here is a picture....not sure how it will show up on the blog but I'll try:
I know the picture does not do it justice.....but there is definitely a clear visible pink positive on the test in real life.

However after dealing with IF for so long I wish this could be it and I just enjoy it and bask in the glory of it....now I have to worry about betas and betas doubling....etc....etc....etc.

8dp3dt - Still there no darker

Just a quick update before I head to sleep.....

Thanks for all the comments ladies.

The title of this one says it all. The line is still there but not any darker. So still in the lingo wait and see. I said I wasn't going to test anymore and just wait till Friday. We'll see how long that last.

7DP3DT - Is that a FAINT +++ ???

Okay first, thank you ladies for all your support and as you can see after I typed the first post I came to my senses but thank you all for reminding me what I already knew. It always help to slapped back into reality.

And about the FRER, I had the older style test and found out they are not sensitive at all. A girl on one of the boards I was on was using the older style FRERs and the test looked like it was a BFN but then she used other brands and got a bold +++ so the older FRERs are not sensitive at all. Hope that clears it up....I think I confused some of you yesterday.

Okay and for today. I tested this morning and thought once again that I saw the faintest of faint faint line.

Then I tested again tonight and the faint faint line was darker.

Its faint.....can you see it: The top is hard to see the bottom a little easier:

Then one of my friends wanted me to open it up and take a picture:

Then she did this:

So today is 12 days past trigger. I normally get BFNs at 7DPO which is 10 days past trigger which lets me the know the trigger is officially gone. However thats normally it and nothing else happens after that. So to see that tonights test is darker than this mornings test gives me a glimmer of hope that its not trigger because trigger does not get darker.

I won't allow myself to get excited yet, but to think that this 4 year 8 month journey could possible have a new chapter to add, is an amazing thought!

Okay so after I posted this I looked at the pictures and realized that they don't show up worth anything at all. But I left them up anyway.

6DP3DT - Reality Check

This morning I woke up feeling that history is repeating itself. Yes, its still early....I know that. However I've never felt anything before with cycles and I don't feel jack now. I'm not bloated anymore, nothing, nada! And it doesn't help that my temps went sky high and the only place for them to go is down and now everyday they have been on a steep hill downward. But then when I test throughout the day they are back up in the 99 area....doesn't make sense, but doesn't look good either.

I'm finding it harder and harder to remain optimistic like I was. I haven't lost the faith, but I'm having to put in overtime to keep the faith.

Incase you didn't figure it out already. This mornings test was a BFN.

Update: So after writing this I got up and went to church. Oh the wonders a good word will do you!

Went to church and got my faith renewed. I picked up some different tests because I just found out the test I've been using is some crap.

Apparentely the old style FRERs like I've been using are not as sensitive as the newer style FRERs and they are BFN when other test are clearly showing a +++. I guess it was a reason I only paid $8. on Ebay for 25 of them.

My temp is acting crazy again and I've had some cramping today.

My temps:
5:30 - 98.4
7:30 - 99.5
10:30 - 99.7
3:00 - 99.5

So I'll just wait it out and see.

4DP3DT - Rough Afternoon Too - Whats the deal?

So I went to my acupuncture appt at 11:30. I was freezing when I left there and I got to my office and turned my space heater on full blast. I just couldn't shake the chill, I feel my skin and I'm hot.... feels like I have a fever. I ask one of the girls that work here with me and she says yeah, you're very hot. At this point I'm so sleepy that I can barely keep my eyes open and I just want to go home and crawl in bed. So I was thinking maybe my temps are flukes and I'm actually just getting sick.

So about 20 minutes of feeling horrible and contemplating getting on the floor in my office and going to sleep I get very hot all of a sudden. I have to switch off my heat, take off my coat and turn the fan on. After that hot flash passed I feel just fine. It’s like I got my second wind or something. It’s weird because right before that I wasn't sure how I was going to drive myself home, and then I felt great. The girl in my office came back by to feel me again when I told her I felt 100% better and she was like you're not hot anymore...what happened. I was like I don't know!

I went shopping for DH's birthday gift. I said I was going to go tomorrow but the weather is really icky here, cold and rainy and I may not even get out the bed tomorrow! Lay there all day work on my homework and watch Lifetime!

Temp was still way up this morning and test was BFN - so trigger is definitely gone: