Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Beta Hell....Again

Back in beta hell again. Why can't this just be easy sometimes? Beta today was only 405. Nurse said they wanted to see it between 600 and 700 but they aren't alarmed yet. They think I had 2 try to implant and one didn't make it. This is a doubling time of 90.41 hours....no where near close to the ideal 48-72 hours.

I've been in this blah and horrible mood all day. I don't know what to think nor what to say or what to feel so I feel like I'm just going through the motions wishing for Thursday to be here already.

I checked betabase and the median for 18DPO for singleton pregnancies is 403 so I guess I am right in line with a singleton. As much as I just want one healthy baby I still can't help to be sad for the one that was trying to hang on and couldn't make it. My mouth speaks just a healthy baby but my heart longed for twins. But after all I've been through and 5 years of trying I should just take what I'm given and be happy and shut-up about it. I don't even know if I have one healthy bean in there, how can I be concerned about a twin that I never knew existed. My feelings are all jacked up and I just feel lost.

Any reassurance anyone can offer, I'm all ears.

8 comments:

Heather said...

I just got back into town so I am catching up...

I always wanted twins. This pregnancy started as twins but one never got a heartbeat and then disappeared. We were devastated. The further along this pregnancy goes, the more I am comforted in God's wisdom. He knew I could not handle twins, not physically. I'm not saying it is the same for you. I am saying that as devastated as you may be right now, there may be a blessing in there for you to find one day. I doubt that makes you feel better today and for that I'm so sorry. I'm praying for a very healthy and happy singleton.

Isn't it pretty to think so said...

so so sorry for for the beta hell. I've been there so many times and it sucks so freakin' much. Nothing good about it. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

I'm praying for you for Thursday. I hope your beta looks better. I think wanting twins is something we IVFers have when no one else does. ((HUGS)) I don't have a google page or anything so I can only post annoy. Sorry

Yolen said...

Hi, I'm here from FF. I'm sorry you are in beta hell. I was on eggshells waiting for my second beta, and I cried from relief when the number was good. Hope things look up soon! Praying you get a beautiful 3rd beta!

Ms. J said...

It was always told to me that rising was more important than doubling. I am keeping positive thoughts for you, honey - lean on us as much as you need to get through this week (and beyond).

I Believe in Miracles said...

I hope your beta goes well today!

Michele said...

Don't be sad about your feelings. Knowing that there was a "possibility" of twins gives you the possibilities and dreams for those babies. It is nothing to be ashamed of and, of course, there will be sadness if there aren't two when that was possible. After we lost Nick, I remember thinking "What will I tell Sophie about her big brother..." Of course, as they were inside, God decided they needed to be also and now it is Nick and Sophie who tell our other babies about us in heaven... My prayers are so with you... Even though it wasn't what you wanted to see, it is still good news. I double every 3 days, instead of 2, which makes reading some of those charts a nightmare. Just hold on to hope. God is with you. I'll be praying for you and hoping for good news tomorrow!

soapchick said...

Praying that beta hell turns into beta heaven soon.