Monday, October 29, 2007

Started BCPs Today

Well the cycle is beginning again. I started BCPs today. My baseline will be Nov 9th. Praying that no cyst are seen on the ultrasound and I can start stimming after the baseline. My new RE likes to start stims after being off BCPs for 4 days so maybe Nov. 11th.

Update: This cycle ended up being cancelled and converted to an IUI - BFN.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

IVF Consult....Round 2!

Okay I’m back from my IVF Consult now….round 2. Dr. ML said I should feel lighter after all the junk she cleaned out of me. She started the conversation off by saying I definitely won’t get pregnant on my own. I guess because of the way my insides looked. She said my ovaries were 3 times the normal size. But she said she thought they looked really good after she got done and she was pleased with herself if she must say so herself.

But the news is I will go on BCPs on day 3 of my upcoming cycle. She wants my ovaries to remain quiet because she doesn’t want them producing anymore cyst. I will be on BCPs for 14 days at that time I will go in for a baseline ultrasound. If all is okay at this Baseline ultrasound meaning no cyst I will stop the BCPs have another AF and start stims.

She decided to switch my meds up this time from Bravelle & Menopur to Follistim and Ganirelix. I was on Bravelle & Menopur last cycle. She said the Follistim and Ganirelix works good for younger women to help keep them from overstimming since I overstimmed last time. She doesn’t want that to happen again. If my E2 reaches 4500 she will cancel the cycle, freeze all of the embies and do a Frozen Embryo Transfer a month later. Last time at retrieval my E2 was well over 5,000 which she says once it reaches that high point the lining starts to break down. Oh yeah, no Lupron this time.

I’m thinking my retrieval should be somewhere around Thanksgiving with a transfer around the first week in December with a BETA – pregnancy test somewhere around the week before Christmas or a little before….12 days after transfer. I’ve haven’t figured out all my dates yet, but that’s what I’m thinking.

She was really adamant about only putting 2 embies back in because of my age, so Adr!@n and I lost that battle. But she said she do not want me pregnant with triplets because I will have to go on bedrest at 20 weeks and I’m small frame and we would risk losing all of them. She said she did a good job cleaning out all the endo and she thinks that’s why it wasn’t working before so we shouldn’t get too proactive about putting 3 in and they mess around and all stick. I see me caring for 2 at one time but I can’t picture 3. So I’m okay with only putting 2 back in.

So that’s that. The wait and needle sticks begin again!

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Warning....if you have a weak stomach don't look!

Pictures from my laparoscopy. Okay I will try to explain the pictures to you as I paste them. The first two pictures are from my surgery back in 2005. You can tell a difference between these and the ones from yesterday.

Before 2005 the corn looking things are bad:

After 2005:

These are from my surgery yesterday: Before looking from the outside:

This one is can see all the junk in there has my insides all stuck together:

This one you can see my ovaries and fallopian tubes are all stuck together:

This one is pictures of my ovaries:

I had 9 endometriums in my ovaries. Endometriums are like cyst. Its the ones with the brown stuff draining out....I think the medical terms for those are chocholate cyst.

This is my insides now......what a normal inside should look like. In the middle you can see the uterus and on the left and right you can clearly see the ovaries and the fallopian tubes....which is good!

Last picture shows that the dye came through my my tubes are open:

Friday, October 5, 2007

Laparascopy, Hysteroscopy, D&C

Surgery today.......All went well. Thanks for all the prayers. She said it was really bad in there but she was able to clean it up. The surgery took about 2 hours and about 45 minutes for me to wake up in recovery. She made two incisisions....thats not bothering me right now. My back and chest have been hurting from all the gas. She gave me a lot of if you can stomach seeing them, pictures will follow later.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Appt with New RE (Reproductive Specialist)

I am too angry right now!

My appointment with the new RE was today:

She started by saying that my E2 numbers on my first cycle was sky high 5200 prior to my retrieval. She said that high E2 numbers can hinder an IVF from being successful. High E2 number effect the quality of the lining...I would be dunn if that wasn't the same thing that I read on the internet and asked my doctor about....and he blew it off like it was nothing. She said at their clinic they cancel transfers when the E2 reaches like 4000 and freeze them all and do the FET with the next cycle.

That was number 1.

Number 2 was she would have never have proceeded with my FIRST cycle without surgery. She looked at my history, looked at the pictures from my surgery and asked a few questions and basically said I think your endo is really bad and it can be affecting your implantation.(In my head I was like I know its bad...I feel the pain every month) She said its something that your body puts into your lining when you have endo to affect implantation and something it doesn't put in there when its not there to enhance implantation. She asked if I knew if my ovaries had endometriums in them. I was like yes they did and she was like are you sure how do you know....I was like he measured them and I had like 10 of them ranging in the size form 9mm to 16mm....and her mouth dropped open and she was like you continued on in your cycle. I was like yes this was my baseline before starting my stims...he took my blood to see my E2 level to make sure they wasn't active and they wasn't so he told me to start my stims. She said did they have fluid in them I was like yes...she said how do you know I said he was measuring them on the ultrasound screen....she shook her head again..... I said even with my FET baseline he was like the endometriums are still there and proceeding on with that. She just shook her head. By this time I can see steam coming out of Adr!@n's ears. He was clearly upset. All these questions we were asking my last doctor and he was just ignoring us and basically taking us for our money because he knew our insurance was paying 100%.

She then goes to do my pelvic know how they stick the two fingers in there and push on your belly??? Well she went to push on my belly and I had to stop in mid sentence to her and about slid off the table it hurt so bad...she was like yeah you have a lot of junk going on in there...I was like so you can feel my endometriosis just from that and she was like....I was fuming by then!!!

But in conclusion she wants to do another laproscope surgery...but she will be doing this surgery herself. She said she will spend a lot of time in there getting it all and out my ovaries so we can go right into a next cycle. She thinks my endometriosis grows back quick and she doesn't want to give it anytime to grow back. She wants me to have my surgery after AF goes off so thats in about 3 weeks and then she wants to jump right into an IVF cycle...she said so I should be cycling around the end of October or so.

I really like her as she seems aggressive in her treatment and making this happen....I'm just so mad I didn't listen to Adr!@n prior to the FET cycle and get a second opinion like he suggested.

Adr!@n wants to talk to a medical lawyer to see about doing something with this doctor that was clearly just taking our money knowing nothing would amount in the we will see what happens with that.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Same Story.....Different Day

Well it was a Big Fat Negative this morning so obviously yesterday's test was an evap. I'm starting to accept the fact that this did not work either. I am 12 DPO/7DP5DT and I have no hope that its still too early because its not. I'm so tired of being disappointed when it comes to this. Adr!@n and I have been at this for over four years now. I'm starting to think that maybe bearing a child is just not meant for me. As hard as that is for me to say in my head I know it will be even harder to accept, but I just don't know how much more I can take. Adr!@n just says to keep trying and keep trying until it happens and physically yes I can do that but mentally and emotionally I don't think I can handle it. It makes me feel like such a failure to not be able to bear my husbands children or even just a child at that. This empty void can be filled by adoption....yes. But the desire that I have to feel my baby moving around in my insides can not be replaced. I never imagined that the thing I have longed for since I was a little girl would come so hard for me to obtain....NEVER. I am the only one on both sides of my family that have to deal with this, and I just don't understand it. Why me. What have I done that I don't deserve to carry my child? I'm just so tired of this mess.... I am.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Snow Babies

Well today was the FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer). Two embies were thawed and transferred. The transfer went well. You are supposed to have a full bladder because it makes it easier to see the uterus with the ultrasound. But my bladder was WAY too full. The nurse let me go release just a little but the pressure was soooo bad. But other than that all went well. It feels just like any other day, I left the doctors, drove myself home, stopped and got gas and just kept it moving. Praying that we have some sticky and healthy embies in there. It almost doesn't seem real. The IVF felt so real because of all the medicine and I was very blotted and cramping and with this FET the medicine was so much easier on my body that I almost didn't realize that I was doing a cycle. Sticky vibes, Sticky vibes!!!!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Mid-Cycle Ultrasound

Just got back from my appointment. My doctor said everything looks good. My lining was 14mm grade C. Transfer is scheduled for Tuesday at 1pm. I start the progesterone shots tomorrow for five days then I switch to vaginal suppositories. My nurse said I already know you're going to test, but just so you know with FET the results you get are accurate because you didn't trigger. I was like yep I know...but no testing for me and she gave me this look like yeah right and I was like yeah you're probably right. So I'm praying this is it.......

Monday, August 6, 2007

Failed IVF Consultation - Turned into Baseline

I'm back from my consultation about my failed IVF cycle. I was able to ask all of my questions that I wanted answers to. I asked about the E2 levels and if it effects the lining and he said maybe or maybe not, really hard to say, my lining looked fine at the end but he think I may have developed a polyp and he would want to check that. I asked was assisted hatching done on our embryos and he said no, they don't normally do them on the first cycle, but one of mine was already hatching and the other was well on the way so it was not needed. I asked if it is done for a FET cycle and he said they always do it with FET. I asked what he like to see the lining at before a FET cycle he said 8-10mm. I asked what day our embyros were frozen on and he said he thought it was day 6 and 7 and day 7 isn't as good so if thats the case he would think about putting 3 back in although he don't like putting three back in with someone my age. He went and checked and my embryos are day 5 and 6 so he said that is good and only two can go back in. I asked about the 3 day follow up after transfer to check everything and he said they don't do it unless I run the risk for overstimming but it hasn't been scientifically proven to help anything. I asked about what he said on the website about bedrest and he don't require it because it hasn't been scientifically proven and he said yes, its not necessary and he said the last three studies done showed that the women who didn't do bedrest had a higher success rate than those who did...basically saying it has no effect. And lastly the main question...did I need surgery and he said he didn't think so but if I had developed a polyop then yes I might need it. He asked what CD I was on and said 11 and he was like we can do the ultrasound and HSN (hystersonogram) - (Saline is injected into the uterus and the cavity is viewed with ultrasound) now...then he looked at my folder and was like yeah your insurance covers everything might as well get it done now, but we will have to check again before the actual transfer to make sure. So the consultation appointment turned into an ultrasound and HSN. The ultrasound showed the many endometriums/cyst that I have but the HSN showed all clear and no polyp. So he said that was good and nothing in the inside look like it would effect me not getting pregnant. Told me to get dressed and Sheila my nurse would be in to see me. She came in and gave me my FET schedule. To my amazement they counted today's ultrasound as my Baseline. She started me on Estrogen patches and I start Estrace tonight after I pick up the prescription and back on baby aspirin again. I go back on August 15 for my mid-cycle ultrasound to make sure we have no polyps and the blast transfer is scheduled for August 21st. I was sitting there with my mouth open like are you serious....we're moving right along like right now. And she was like yep because the ultrasound showed your lining was very thin and she was like you must have bled a heck of a lot I was like um...yep! She was like so thats good, its thin now we can work on building it back up and move on. So thats my update.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

My Research

Okay so I have one major question to ask my doctor now. I have been doing a lot of research about failed IVF cycles and I have read that high E2 levels can effect your outcome in a negative way. I read that high E2 levels start to break down the quality of your lining effecting implantation. My E2 on the day of retrieval was over 6,000 so if the doctor knew what I've been reading about the high levels effecting the outcome why didn't he say that and just freeze them all and I go for a FET instead of continuing on????? I just feel like he probably knew...and I hate him wasting one of our attempts when he probably knew already. They told me many times I was in risk of getting OHSS which I didn't but not one time did they mention the high levels could effect implantation....and out of all the articles I've read thats what it says.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Nothing New

Nothing new to report....just waiting....waiting....waiting. We have a follow-up consultation with our doctor about our failed cycle and what the next steps will be. I wrote down a lot of questions to ask him. So hopefully after our appointment on Monday we will know more about what is going on.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Moving Past the Hurt

Well as I expected the blood test came back negative on Wednesday. I had already prepared myself for the results by cring my heart out on Sunday and Monday so the results on Wednesday didn't hurt too bad.

The next steps is a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer). We have 4 embies that are frozen. Not with this menstrual cycle but the start of the next they will begin the monitoring again, and when my lining and everything is good, they will unthaw two and transfer them in. Then again the two week wait begins. Praying that this FET cycle will be successful.....I just don't know how many more heart breaks I can take.

Monday, July 23, 2007

8dp5dt (13DPO) HPT.....Still Negative

I'm so hurt that this cycle didn't work. I put so much into it, emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I'm just trying to come to grips with everything I was so hopeful this cycle would work. The tears come and go but when they come they linger so I had to call in to work today...just not ready to face anyone. My bestfriend and God baby are here and I've been closed up in my bedroom since yesterday.....Just trying to understand WHY. I left a message for my nurse to see if she could bump my Beta up just so I can get the tears all out my system and begin to try to move on from this. Waiting on her to call back. This disappointment is all too much to handle.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

On Ice

Well I got the call today to say that we have 4 embies that made it to the stage to freeze. So we have 4 that we can use at a later date. I tested again this morning and the test was negative so the Trigger has definitely left my body which is a good thing. I will not test again till Friday which will be 5DP5DT (5 Days Past a 5 Day Transfer or 10DPO) Adr!@n and I plan on meeting Friday via video messenger since he is out of town for me to test while he is there and I promised I would wait till then so I will. I'm praying that I have enough HCG in my system at that time to show up as it is still quite early. The blood test is scheduled for July 25th at 7:30 AM so I should know the numbers by noon that day.

I'm feeling okay my hip hurts so bad from these shots....but I have to remind myself that it will be well worth it in the end.

I'm very calm right now....which is kind of scary I thought I would be all anxious and wanting to test every single day and 8 times a day, but I'm cool. I know that must be that peace that surpasses all understanding that I always pray for.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Our Babies First Photo

My doctor said my embies look perfect and couldn't have asked for better quality. "Text book perfect" as he described them. Here are our little babies first pictures. All nine made it to today. They already started to freeze two of them and are waiting to see out of the other 5 how many they can freeze. The transfer was very quick. My bladder wasn't full as it was suppose to be because I kept throwing up this morning but the little bit of water I was able to get down was okay to lift my bladder to the level needed. So now the wait begins. I tested this morning and got a very faint + on FRER so the trigger is almost gone. Today was 7DP Trigger. God is truly amazing! After many obstacles we finally made it to this point. Now we have to wait just for confirmation! I can't wait!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Embie Update

My nurse called this morning around 10 and said that all 9 embies are still going strong and dividing perfectly. We are doing a five day transfer which I was praying for. We have to be at the doctors office Sunday at 9:00 AM and the transfer will be at 10:00 AM and I have to bring two bottles of water that I will drink 45 minutes before the transfer because they said they want my bladder to be an uncomfortable full because it makes it easier to transfer the embies in. Praying that my embies continue to be strong and continue to divide and grow as they should.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Fertilization Report

Got the call from the nurse at 9:00AM this morning and out of the 16 retrieved, 10 were mature and 9 fertilized with ICSI. Now we have to wait on the call tomorrow to see how many made it through the night and if we will be doing a 3 day transfer or a 5 day transfer. I hate all the waiting but I can just wait and pray that they are growing strong and dividing as they should be.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Egg Retrieval

Well we had to wake up bright and early this morning to be at the doctors office at 6:45 AM. They started out by giving me an IV bag and said that I had to finish two before I could leave. They did this because my E2 numbers were sky high so they said I run the risk of getting OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome) but I've been praying against that anyway. So I sat there as the IV started and they came and got me and told me to empty my bladder one more time and to kiss hubby good-bye. So I went into the operating room and laid on the table and put my legs up into the little holster thing and the nurse with the drugs came back in and she said I'm starting the anesthesia into your IV....Immediatley after I was out and I came too when the nurse was like okay sweetie we're done and I was like you already started, they laughed at me and said yes, we're done. I didn't realize I went out so quick. But she was like yes, we're done and everything went good and we got 16 eggs. I was like okay great, and fell asleep again. They rolled me into recovery while I was trying to come to, shortly after they went over things I had to do when I got home and they wheeled me out to the car. Adr!@n and I stopped by this Chic-Fil-A place I have grown to love. Its not like a normal Chic-Fil-A but more like a Waffle House because they serve breakfast all day and all types of breakfast food. I got a waffle and some country ham. We then went by Walgreens to pick up the rest of the medicine I have to take and I came home and updated my Fertility Friends and took a nap. Thats been our day. Now we are about to do the PIO shot in the hip. This is different than the trigger shot but must be done everyday in the hip until I am 8-10 weeks pregnant. So thats why I said that hip needle was the first night of many.....hopefully I will start to get used to it and it won't hurt as bad as time goes on.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

First Hip Shot

Okay Adr!@n and I managed to get the first hip shot done. I must confess that I chickened out a few times before he actually was able to stick me.......I was very scared....its different getting it at the doctor's office but putting a huge needle in Adr!@ns hand to stick in my hip was a bit scary. He did a great job, I barely felt it going in. This is the first of many nights to come.

Trigger Shot

The beginning of what I'm praying is our new life. Tonight at 6:45pm Adr!@n has to give me my Trigger shot in my hip. A brief catch up is that Adr!@n and I have been going through IVF trying to conceive a child. We have passed the stimulation stage and now we're at the point where we can trigger. Trigger is the stage that tells my body its time to release the 21 eggs the stimulation drugs helped me make. We have to go in on Tuesday morning for retrieval and we are praying and believing that we will have a good number fertilized that will grow and be healthy. This is my first try at blogging so we will see how this go. Hopefully I will have a lot of future ultrasounds pics and etc to show in the future.