Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Same Story.....Different Day
Well it was a Big Fat Negative this morning so obviously yesterday's test was an evap. I'm starting to accept the fact that this did not work either. I am 12 DPO/7DP5DT and I have no hope that its still too early because its not. I'm so tired of being disappointed when it comes to this. Adr!@n and I have been at this for over four years now. I'm starting to think that maybe bearing a child is just not meant for me. As hard as that is for me to say in my head I know it will be even harder to accept, but I just don't know how much more I can take. Adr!@n just says to keep trying and keep trying until it happens and physically yes I can do that but mentally and emotionally I don't think I can handle it. It makes me feel like such a failure to not be able to bear my husbands children or even just a child at that. This empty void can be filled by adoption....yes. But the desire that I have to feel my baby moving around in my insides can not be replaced. I never imagined that the thing I have longed for since I was a little girl would come so hard for me to obtain....NEVER. I am the only one on both sides of my family that have to deal with this, and I just don't understand it. Why me. What have I done that I don't deserve to carry my child? I'm just so tired of this mess.... I am.