Thank you all very much for your well wishes and words of comfort. I know I just kind of disappeared and some of you were worried about me, so I decided to come on here and post an update. I haven't forgot about any of you and think of you often, just had to give myself time to get my head right.....ya know?
Well an update with me. I'm still feeling pretty anti-baby. I guess that was my way of dealing with my last disappointment. I've been totally okay with it being just DH and I and I'm not sure how long I will feel this way or if I will get bombarded by the intense desire to be a mom in a couple of months, couple of years or never. On Sunday I was looking at DH's benefits plan as he is in open enrollment now (we've been with my plan for the last 3 years) so I was looking at his plan to see if they had added anything new. They have. They added 4 IVF attempts and 6 IUIs. They had the IUIs before but not the IVF attempts. So we're going to switch to his insurance which starts up in January and my insurance ends in March. Now when I read that about the IVFs I can't lie, the itch to try again did come back so DH and I talked about it and he was like if we're going to do it we need to do it ASAP because we never know when the contract might change up. He is Army contractor so their contracts can change at anytime. So what I plan to do is go on Lupron for 3 months for my Endo then jump right into a cycle. So this should put me cycling in March 09 time frame. I called my nurse yesterday to tell her I wanted to go on Lupron and didn't want to get another surgery. Not sure if you remember but my doctor wanted to do another surgery after my last chemical. I don't think I need one yet because my periods are not painful like they have been in the past. But my nurse said I had to come do my failed IVF talk with the doctor first which I had been avoiding because I wasn't sure if we wanted to go any further with the IVFs, but when I got 4 free to use its kind of hard to pass that opportunity then always play that what if game in my mind if I didn't do it. So I scheduled the failed IVF consult for next Thursday. I plan to stick to my guns about no more Follistim and if my doc doens't want to put my back on the meds I was on the very first time, then I think its time to switch docs. We tried her way with the Follistim um....like 4 times so obviously my body doesn't like the Follistim and doesn't respond very well to it. So thats me and thats my update. (((hugs)))