Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Missing Home....
Well I'm in Miami and will be until Sunday....wishing I was home and going to get my ultrasound in 2 days. However, since I'm here I gotta wait till the 7th now. I hate this unknown feeling the feeling of not knowing what is going on in there. And besides being tired and this pounding headache I've been having, I really don't have anything to go on. So I'm just praying that my little bean is still thriving and still growing strong....what more can I do right....but pray and wait it out.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Ultrasound Details...
Sorry for the quick post yesterday ladies....I was at work and just wanted to update everyone so that you didn't have to wait all day.
Firstly, I want to thank God for my little bean. Seems like He heard all of our prayers but please do keep them coming!
Secondly, thank you all for your congrats, and well wishes. It really means the world to me.
So the story....
I was so nervous. DH met me at the office but by the time he got there I was already undressed and sitting on the table. He called and said he was in the elevator so the tech went out and got him. I was sitting there clearly shaking, feeling like I was about to throw up...just nervous!
The tech says lay back and relax, so she start asking me questions about the last beta, and how many we transferred ect. Gives us the don't freak out if you don't see a heartbeat because its early speech and made me verbally agree not to freak out if its not there. I said okay I won't. She said at this point we want to see a sac and the yolk and thats all good at this point. I said okay. She said the heartbeat could be there because it can start beating at 5w6d between 6w3d so don't freak out...I said okay.
So she puts in the d!ldo cam and says I see a sac....I just took a deep breath as I stared at the ceiling...DH is looking at the screen like he really knows what he is looking at. LOL! Then she says and a yolk sac. I shook my hands over my chest. You know how you shake water off your hands...well mine was the excited shake like OMG shake. Then she said and a heartbeat....at that very moment the tears flowed as I laughed and cried.
DH immediately says how many heartbeats... (LOL...men!) She said only one...he said okay...so whats the sex of the baby...I burst out laughing and she said well its about the size of a tadpole right now so really too small to tell. He was like oh....okay, well I think boy by the way the heart is beating. LOL! All this time I'm sitting there still laughing, still crying, still shaking. They kept asking me are you okay, I said yes, I'm fine...yes, I'm good. She then turns the screen to me so I can see the sac, and the yolk and she points out the little heartbeat. I said do you know the BPM or is it too early. She said yeah its really too early so we don't even try to tell right now. I said okay....I was just content with seeing the white little flicker. I'm sitting there looking at the screen like wow....thats really in my belly. Amazing!
She then went on to measure my ovaries since they were huge from the IVF and then I met with the lovely Dr. S. He was so happy. He came in and immediately gave me a hug and said how awesome the baby looked and he was so happy for me and so proud of me. We chatted for a while and he asked do we have any questions....DH does not even hesitate not one second and said yeah Doc that sex thing, we good now? I just put my face in my hands so embarrassed....Dr. S just laughs and said you really are a typical man huh. Dr. S said I know its been a while and yes you have the okay. Dr. S was like I'll give you all your time in here when we're done talking and tell the nurses to stay away. I was like yeah right! LOL!
Then I asked whats next when can I come back. And he said well ideal would be 2 weeks when you're 8 weeks because you would see so much more but I know if you're like my wife you hate waiting and you want them early and frequent. I was like yep, sure do. He was like okay I'm fine with you coming in next week then. I was like great! But then I remembered that I will be out of town from Sunday to Sunday so two weeks it is anyway.
May 7th is the next ultrasound.
Firstly, I want to thank God for my little bean. Seems like He heard all of our prayers but please do keep them coming!
Secondly, thank you all for your congrats, and well wishes. It really means the world to me.
So the story....
I was so nervous. DH met me at the office but by the time he got there I was already undressed and sitting on the table. He called and said he was in the elevator so the tech went out and got him. I was sitting there clearly shaking, feeling like I was about to throw up...just nervous!
The tech says lay back and relax, so she start asking me questions about the last beta, and how many we transferred ect. Gives us the don't freak out if you don't see a heartbeat because its early speech and made me verbally agree not to freak out if its not there. I said okay I won't. She said at this point we want to see a sac and the yolk and thats all good at this point. I said okay. She said the heartbeat could be there because it can start beating at 5w6d between 6w3d so don't freak out...I said okay.
So she puts in the d!ldo cam and says I see a sac....I just took a deep breath as I stared at the ceiling...DH is looking at the screen like he really knows what he is looking at. LOL! Then she says and a yolk sac. I shook my hands over my chest. You know how you shake water off your hands...well mine was the excited shake like OMG shake. Then she said and a heartbeat....at that very moment the tears flowed as I laughed and cried.
DH immediately says how many heartbeats... (LOL...men!) She said only one...he said okay...so whats the sex of the baby...I burst out laughing and she said well its about the size of a tadpole right now so really too small to tell. He was like oh....okay, well I think boy by the way the heart is beating. LOL! All this time I'm sitting there still laughing, still crying, still shaking. They kept asking me are you okay, I said yes, I'm fine...yes, I'm good. She then turns the screen to me so I can see the sac, and the yolk and she points out the little heartbeat. I said do you know the BPM or is it too early. She said yeah its really too early so we don't even try to tell right now. I said okay....I was just content with seeing the white little flicker. I'm sitting there looking at the screen like wow....thats really in my belly. Amazing!
She then went on to measure my ovaries since they were huge from the IVF and then I met with the lovely Dr. S. He was so happy. He came in and immediately gave me a hug and said how awesome the baby looked and he was so happy for me and so proud of me. We chatted for a while and he asked do we have any questions....DH does not even hesitate not one second and said yeah Doc that sex thing, we good now? I just put my face in my hands so embarrassed....Dr. S just laughs and said you really are a typical man huh. Dr. S said I know its been a while and yes you have the okay. Dr. S was like I'll give you all your time in here when we're done talking and tell the nurses to stay away. I was like yeah right! LOL!
Then I asked whats next when can I come back. And he said well ideal would be 2 weeks when you're 8 weeks because you would see so much more but I know if you're like my wife you hate waiting and you want them early and frequent. I was like yep, sure do. He was like okay I'm fine with you coming in next week then. I was like great! But then I remembered that I will be out of town from Sunday to Sunday so two weeks it is anyway.
May 7th is the next ultrasound.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Ultrasound....
We have ONE baby with a STRONG heartbeat measuring right on point at 5w6d.
For the first time this entire cycle I broke down crying when she said we have a heartbeat.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
DEALING WITH FEAR: A LESSON FROM A TWO YEAR OLD
Right on time devotional!
DEALING WITH FEAR: A LESSON FROM A TWO YEAR OLD
Author Mike Woodard
Domonic, our two and a half year old grandson was "helping" Papa (Grandpa) do some much-needed spring clean up in the back yard. Our backyard is terraced, so when we went to the second layer he started to cry. I asked him why he was crying, and he said, "Me Scaredy!" It turned out he was scared because he had seen the wild deer wander across that part of the yard in the past, and he was afraid that they might come while we were there. I sat down and enfolded him in my arms, then asked, "Do you think Papa can take care of you? Do you think your Papa can chase the deer away?" He calmed down and seemed to like the idea that Papa could chase the "scary" deer away.
I realized I am not so different than Domonic. I have fears, too. I attempt to deal with fears in a variety of ways. I don't tend to cry like Domonic did, but I get mad, worried, withdrawn, defensive, over analytical or immobilized, just to mention a few. In the same way that I enfolded Domonic in my arms and assured him I could take care of him, I need to experience God's embrace in moments of fear and be reassured.
I remember one dark star-filled night walking alone, perplexed and with tears running down my face, crying out to God for help. His response was not verbal but it was so clear. It was as if God was saying to me, His child, "Who made these stars and put them in place? Do you think I'm big enough to handle your problems and fears?" In that moment my fears seemed to shrink, and in a fresh way I understood God's presence and power. The problem did not go away but I had confidence to move forward knowing God would care of me.
In a world that has many uncertainties the words from Psalm 147 can bring comfort. God is big enough to comfort His child in the midst of all possible fears!
"Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; For it is pleasant and praise is becoming. The Lord builds up Jerusalem; He gathers the outcasts of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them. Great is our Lord and abundant in strength; His understanding is infinite. The Lord supports the afflicted; He brings down the wicked to the ground" (Psalm 147:1-6 (NIV).
DEALING WITH FEAR: A LESSON FROM A TWO YEAR OLD
Author Mike Woodard
Domonic, our two and a half year old grandson was "helping" Papa (Grandpa) do some much-needed spring clean up in the back yard. Our backyard is terraced, so when we went to the second layer he started to cry. I asked him why he was crying, and he said, "Me Scaredy!" It turned out he was scared because he had seen the wild deer wander across that part of the yard in the past, and he was afraid that they might come while we were there. I sat down and enfolded him in my arms, then asked, "Do you think Papa can take care of you? Do you think your Papa can chase the deer away?" He calmed down and seemed to like the idea that Papa could chase the "scary" deer away.
I realized I am not so different than Domonic. I have fears, too. I attempt to deal with fears in a variety of ways. I don't tend to cry like Domonic did, but I get mad, worried, withdrawn, defensive, over analytical or immobilized, just to mention a few. In the same way that I enfolded Domonic in my arms and assured him I could take care of him, I need to experience God's embrace in moments of fear and be reassured.
I remember one dark star-filled night walking alone, perplexed and with tears running down my face, crying out to God for help. His response was not verbal but it was so clear. It was as if God was saying to me, His child, "Who made these stars and put them in place? Do you think I'm big enough to handle your problems and fears?" In that moment my fears seemed to shrink, and in a fresh way I understood God's presence and power. The problem did not go away but I had confidence to move forward knowing God would care of me.
In a world that has many uncertainties the words from Psalm 147 can bring comfort. God is big enough to comfort His child in the midst of all possible fears!
"Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; For it is pleasant and praise is becoming. The Lord builds up Jerusalem; He gathers the outcasts of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them. Great is our Lord and abundant in strength; His understanding is infinite. The Lord supports the afflicted; He brings down the wicked to the ground" (Psalm 147:1-6 (NIV).
Monday, April 20, 2009
The dreaded wait....2 more days to go....
2 more days to go until THE DAY.
Sorry I have been MIA.
I come on here often to read others update but I just don't know what to write for myself. I wish that I could say I have been living in bliss, enjoying every single minute of this pregnancy but that will be so far from the truth.
Nothing has happened to have me worried, no spotting or anything but just the simple fact that I don't know whats going on in there has me worried sick.
Symptoms I have none or not that I think I do, besides the cramps that still freak me out and being tired but that could be from sitting on the Internet for hours researching any and everything that I think about to help me see into my body to see what is going on.
But regardless of all, I am still in the unknown. Why can't I be like the naive women who get a faint positive test and then go tell the whole world because they have no care in the world. Why can't I just enjoy this and be happy about it?
I am truly praying for some relief on Thursday. Relief that comes in the form of seeing exactly what we should see on the ultrasound screen at 5w6d. A sac or two, a yolk or two, a fetal pole or two an a heartbeat or two would be lovely. However, I know that the heartbeat can be there or it can not be there that early so no worries if its not just yet. But best believe it will help me breath a little easier for a couple more days.
I pray for peace everyday. I don't want God to think I'm taking this blessing for granted and snatch it from me. Its just so hard to let go and be happy go lucky when you've been met with so many obstacles before....so many disappointments before.
I took a test to try and ease my mind today. DH wanted me to take one yesterday but I didn't have any so I went and bought more. It did make me feel a little better...but a flutter or two on the screen right now would be icing on the cake, peace in a storm, sunshine on a cloudy day....I think you get my point.
Anyway I'm rambling.
Today's test at 24DPO or 19DP5DT or 5w3d:
DH is cute...when I tested today I handed him the stick when I came out as the line came up right away and he was like its going to get darker over time right. I was like no babe thats the test line and the light line is the control line. He was like no its faint is it gonna get darker. I was like babe look at the test again the line on the right is the control line. After staring at it for a while he was like oh yeah you're right. lol!
The ultrasound is Thursday at 9:45. I will try to log on at work to update you all so that you're not just waiting.
Accepting all the prayers any one has to offer.
Sorry I have been MIA.
I come on here often to read others update but I just don't know what to write for myself. I wish that I could say I have been living in bliss, enjoying every single minute of this pregnancy but that will be so far from the truth.
Nothing has happened to have me worried, no spotting or anything but just the simple fact that I don't know whats going on in there has me worried sick.
Symptoms I have none or not that I think I do, besides the cramps that still freak me out and being tired but that could be from sitting on the Internet for hours researching any and everything that I think about to help me see into my body to see what is going on.
But regardless of all, I am still in the unknown. Why can't I be like the naive women who get a faint positive test and then go tell the whole world because they have no care in the world. Why can't I just enjoy this and be happy about it?
I am truly praying for some relief on Thursday. Relief that comes in the form of seeing exactly what we should see on the ultrasound screen at 5w6d. A sac or two, a yolk or two, a fetal pole or two an a heartbeat or two would be lovely. However, I know that the heartbeat can be there or it can not be there that early so no worries if its not just yet. But best believe it will help me breath a little easier for a couple more days.
I pray for peace everyday. I don't want God to think I'm taking this blessing for granted and snatch it from me. Its just so hard to let go and be happy go lucky when you've been met with so many obstacles before....so many disappointments before.
I took a test to try and ease my mind today. DH wanted me to take one yesterday but I didn't have any so I went and bought more. It did make me feel a little better...but a flutter or two on the screen right now would be icing on the cake, peace in a storm, sunshine on a cloudy day....I think you get my point.
Anyway I'm rambling.
Today's test at 24DPO or 19DP5DT or 5w3d:
DH is cute...when I tested today I handed him the stick when I came out as the line came up right away and he was like its going to get darker over time right. I was like no babe thats the test line and the light line is the control line. He was like no its faint is it gonna get darker. I was like babe look at the test again the line on the right is the control line. After staring at it for a while he was like oh yeah you're right. lol!The ultrasound is Thursday at 9:45. I will try to log on at work to update you all so that you're not just waiting.
Accepting all the prayers any one has to offer.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
2nd Beta Draw
Got my numbers.
Beta 13DPO: 102
Ultrasound scheduled for next Thursday at 9:45.
This is the first time my beta has ever doubled in the 48-72 hour time frame....so how come I'm not breathing easy. How come my worry has automatically moved to the ultrasound....ugghh.
However I did put my numbers in baby med and got this so its makes me feel a lil better....but not much..... Stupid Infertility...makes you not be able to enjoy anything. But in the mean time, Thank you God for another answered prayer.
Beta 13DPO: 102
Beta 19DPO: 726
Doubling time: 50.86
E2: 2298
Progesterone: 81
Ultrasound scheduled for next Thursday at 9:45.
This is the first time my beta has ever doubled in the 48-72 hour time frame....so how come I'm not breathing easy. How come my worry has automatically moved to the ultrasound....ugghh.
However I did put my numbers in baby med and got this so its makes me feel a lil better....but not much..... Stupid Infertility...makes you not be able to enjoy anything. But in the mean time, Thank you God for another answered prayer.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Ramblings
Huummm...
I wanted to get on here and say something but not sure what.
Definitely thank you all for your well wishes and congrats. It means a lot!
I just wish that I could breath easy and know that this is truly it and I can rest assured that I am pregnant and all is going well. But that is so hard.
I wish that I could look in my insides and see exactly what is going on in there. I just have to have faith and trust in God that this IS IT for me....that is IS MY TURN.
But man....the wait is hard!
I wanted to get on here and say something but not sure what.
Definitely thank you all for your well wishes and congrats. It means a lot!
I just wish that I could breath easy and know that this is truly it and I can rest assured that I am pregnant and all is going well. But that is so hard.
I wish that I could look in my insides and see exactly what is going on in there. I just have to have faith and trust in God that this IS IT for me....that is IS MY TURN.
But man....the wait is hard!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Beta Results Are in!!
HCG at 13DPO - 102
They didn't test the Estrogen and Progesterone again because they just did it on Monday and they were:
E2: 407
Progesterone: 45
They didn't test the Estrogen and Progesterone again because they just did it on Monday and they were:
E2: 407
Progesterone: 45
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
7DP5DT ~ 12DPO
Here are the PM test:
So we shall see how tomorrow goes. This will probably be your last hpt show as we'll be getting on the road right after work tomorrow heading to Ohio. I will be testing while in Ohio, just don't know if I'll be taking pics.
I have been really crampy which has me really worried. I know they always say cramping is normal but geez sometimes they feel so intense I would think AF was just going to gush out right at that moment. Other times it just feels like this constant dull cramp. I didn't have this with my chemicals so it could be good thing that this one is different....just scary.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
6DP5DT ~ 11DPO
So I will be out of town after my first beta. I emailed my RE to ask him about testing in Ohio on Saturday so I could know if it was doubling or not. His response was:
Hi T@sh!da
I hope the surgery goes well. It would be ok to get your beta drawn in Ohio but the ability to compare it to levels drawn here would be inaccurate given the different labs. I would suggest that you skip having it drawn there so you can focus on helping out with your father in law. This level’s not going to go down! When will you return from Ohio?
Dr. S
So I do understand and if the numbers in Ohio are way off it would probably stress me out. So I'll just keep taking HPT to hold me over. Second beta after Thursday won't be until next Wednesday.
Monday, April 6, 2009
5DP5DT ~ 10DPO Con't
What I learned today:
My E2 was 407 today and my Progesterone was 45. They were happy with both of these. They also threw in a beta just for kicks and giggles. It was a whopping 10. I'm not worried about this at all because its only 10DPO but I'm amazed at how sensitive the CB Digital is to pick it up. So my beta is a day early because I have to go out of town so it will be on 13DPO.
I got a No on this test this morning when I took it along with the CB Digital...but now its says yes which means...hey my HCG is above a 10 now! WooHoo!
Just some other comparisons for your viewing pleasure. DH was like why are you taking 4 different test when you have 10 on the counter saying pregnant already. LOL! Men don't understand!
Also I'm done testing twice a day. Only in the PM now...normally get better lines in the PM anyway. However these test were taken with almost clear P. Sorry TMI but it was not concentrated at all.
Edited to add: We have 5 blast-o-ice babies!
My E2 was 407 today and my Progesterone was 45. They were happy with both of these. They also threw in a beta just for kicks and giggles. It was a whopping 10. I'm not worried about this at all because its only 10DPO but I'm amazed at how sensitive the CB Digital is to pick it up. So my beta is a day early because I have to go out of town so it will be on 13DPO.
I got a No on this test this morning when I took it along with the CB Digital...but now its says yes which means...hey my HCG is above a 10 now! WooHoo!
Just some other comparisons for your viewing pleasure. DH was like why are you taking 4 different test when you have 10 on the counter saying pregnant already. LOL! Men don't understand!
Also I'm done testing twice a day. Only in the PM now...normally get better lines in the PM anyway. However these test were taken with almost clear P. Sorry TMI but it was not concentrated at all.
Edited to add: We have 5 blast-o-ice babies!
5DP5DT ~ 10DPO
Praying that my 3 month Depot Lupron treatment along with being on Lovenox and of course loads and loads of prayer will make this pregnancy be a sticky one!!!! 3rd times the charm right!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
4DP5DT ~ 9DPO
And I see some faint lines. Very faint but there, doubt you will even be able to see them in these pics becaue they don't show up well in the blog. Praying they continue to get darker and darker and we have a sticky bean or two this time.
Friday, April 3, 2009
The Crosswalk
I received this email and I thought it was POWERFUL!!
The Crosswalk
Every once in a while, a seemingly-simple email comes around that ends up being quite profound.
The Crosswalk
Every once in a while, a seemingly-simple email comes around that ends up being quite profound.
This is one of them.
Awesome!!
We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize it is preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we cannot. Whatever your cross, whatever your pain, there will always be sunshine, after the rain.... Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall; But God's always ready, to answer your call.... He knows every heartache, sees every tear, a word from His lips, can calm every fear... Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night, But suddenly vanish, by dawn's early light... The Savior is waiting, somewhere above, to give you His grace, and send you His love. May God fill your day with blessings!!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Thank you all
Thank you all for your well wishes and sticky vibes!
Tiffany: The embryologist couldn't tell me which two out of the three were transferred. He said they all look alike under the microscope. And it was best not to disturb them again to separate them to take another picture.
Ms. J: Now you know I have to name the babies.....here ya go....
They are in....
Okay so I'm back with great news.
The Embryologists said this was my best quality ever. He said if it was my first transfer he would highly suggest only 1 but because of my history he would let me decide.
I ended up saying that Dr. Slayden and I agreed 2 if they look good and 3 if so so quality so I decided to keep my word and only transfer two as the RE doing the transfer breathed a sigh of relief and said thank you. I LOL'd and told him that Dr. S has been great through all of this and has my best interest in mind and although 3 is tempting I will keep my word to him and do 2 as we discussed.
I guess that Royal Jelly & Bee Pollen and my vitamin regimen really did help with the quality of the eggs.
Here are my pics for comparison:
We had 5 grade A Blast and 1 grade B Blast and 2 more that they are watching that can possibly be frozen tomorrow.
We sat and talked for a while about how many to transfer but in the end I decided to transfer two. AH was done on all of them.
The Embryologists said this was my best quality ever. He said if it was my first transfer he would highly suggest only 1 but because of my history he would let me decide.
I ended up saying that Dr. Slayden and I agreed 2 if they look good and 3 if so so quality so I decided to keep my word and only transfer two as the RE doing the transfer breathed a sigh of relief and said thank you. I LOL'd and told him that Dr. S has been great through all of this and has my best interest in mind and although 3 is tempting I will keep my word to him and do 2 as we discussed.
So the picture shows the 3 (All grade A), but only 2 of the 3 were transferred. 4 are being frozen today and 2 more being watched for tomorrow.
I guess that Royal Jelly & Bee Pollen and my vitamin regimen really did help with the quality of the eggs.
Here are my pics for comparison:
Last IVF(#4) (Chemical):
FET (BFN):
IVF #3 (Chemical):
FET (BFN):IVF#1 (BFN):
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