11DP3DT - Not good news...Beta only 9.5

Thanks ladies for all your well wishes and I wish I had good news for you....but I don't. Beta was only 9.5 - Nurse thinks it was a chemical.



I told her the test was darker today and she said to stay on progestrone and come in on Monday to see whats going on.



Well for the life of me I can't figure out how its only 9.5 and a 'chemical' if my test are still getting darker. The test on the top is from this moring The test in the middle I took when I got home after holding my P for 2 hours and its darker than this mornings:

This test is FRER....I don't have anything to compare it to because its the first time I used a FRER with this cycle...but the line is clearly there too:

And here are all three together:

I don't know what to think or what to feel....but I guess I just have to wait it out.

10DP3DT - Wow it's getting darker!

Still shocked about it.....very much so! Its like the line is getting darker but I'm still not believing it. I don't know when this will wear off....maybe the first beta....maybe the second, the ultrasound, or when my water breaks....I don't know. I really just want to enjoy it because I promised myself that when it finally happened I would enjoy it and not worry about every single thing that could go wrong. But maybe I just need confirmation then I will start to accept it. I always pictured how my reaction would be over the years of TTC and when I got this positive...it was nothing like that. I guess thats what IF does to you, it steals the joys and excitement away of things that should be joyous and exciting.

I wanted to thank you ladies for all your kind words! I really do appreciate them!

So the beta is tomorrow.....the BIG DAY!

Oh yeah so DH was at work yesterday when I got the clear positive and his birthday was the day before Feb 26th. So the way I showed him the test was I put it in a box and wrapped it.

On the outside of the box I wrote:

The final gift for you,

The final piece to complete your special day.

I know yesterday was great,

But this is the icing on the cake

This is him opening it:

First look:

He says: "You're Pregnant?!?":

Then he walks over to me to say look do you see it, its there and its pink and I can really see it as he points to the line:

The second look:

The third look:

The fourth look:

And the fifth look: (I thought it was a woman thing to keep going back and looking at test....nope....DH's do it too!)

He just kept saying wow, its pink and its really there! I couldnt' do nothing but laugh at him. I am so happy I was able to catch his facial expressions on camera like this!

Can you tell he has stared at a few negative test with me where I was trying to make him see something that really wasn't there. Or the faint faint test where we have to turn and flip just to see the faintest of faint faint line! Well this one he clearly had no problems seeing. I can't wait till he gets home so I can show him tonight's test and how it is even darker than the one from last night!

9DP3DT - Holy Cow.....Its ++++

Okay Ladies,

So I did not test this morning and said I wasn't going to test. However one of my fertility friends would not let it go so I was like fine I will test when I get home.

I took the test and left out the bathroom and went back in at the 5 minute mark and was like OH MY GOD.....its there! OMG!...Wow....Its there!

So I sent the picture to her and she was like see I told you so....I told you so. And I couldn't say anything but wow.

First time I've ever seen a positive that wasn't trigger....wow!

DH had to work late today so I haven't been able to share the news with him yet. But yesterday was his birthday so I put the test in a box and wrapped it and on the outside I typed this up and taped it to the box:

The final gift for you,
The final piece to complete your special day.
I know yesterday was great,
But this is the icing on the cake.

Here is a picture....not sure how it will show up on the blog but I'll try:
I know the picture does not do it justice.....but there is definitely a clear visible pink positive on the test in real life.

However after dealing with IF for so long I wish this could be it and I just enjoy it and bask in the glory of it....now I have to worry about betas and betas doubling....etc....etc....etc.

8dp3dt - Still there no darker

Just a quick update before I head to sleep.....

Thanks for all the comments ladies.

The title of this one says it all. The line is still there but not any darker. So still in the lingo wait and see. I said I wasn't going to test anymore and just wait till Friday. We'll see how long that last.

7DP3DT - Is that a FAINT +++ ???

Okay first, thank you ladies for all your support and as you can see after I typed the first post I came to my senses but thank you all for reminding me what I already knew. It always help to slapped back into reality.

And about the FRER, I had the older style test and found out they are not sensitive at all. A girl on one of the boards I was on was using the older style FRERs and the test looked like it was a BFN but then she used other brands and got a bold +++ so the older FRERs are not sensitive at all. Hope that clears it up....I think I confused some of you yesterday.

Okay and for today. I tested this morning and thought once again that I saw the faintest of faint faint line.

Then I tested again tonight and the faint faint line was darker.

Its faint.....can you see it: The top is hard to see the bottom a little easier:

Then one of my friends wanted me to open it up and take a picture:

Then she did this:

So today is 12 days past trigger. I normally get BFNs at 7DPO which is 10 days past trigger which lets me the know the trigger is officially gone. However thats normally it and nothing else happens after that. So to see that tonights test is darker than this mornings test gives me a glimmer of hope that its not trigger because trigger does not get darker.

I won't allow myself to get excited yet, but to think that this 4 year 8 month journey could possible have a new chapter to add, is an amazing thought!

Okay so after I posted this I looked at the pictures and realized that they don't show up worth anything at all. But I left them up anyway.

6DP3DT - Reality Check

This morning I woke up feeling that history is repeating itself. Yes, its still early....I know that. However I've never felt anything before with cycles and I don't feel jack now. I'm not bloated anymore, nothing, nada! And it doesn't help that my temps went sky high and the only place for them to go is down and now everyday they have been on a steep hill downward. But then when I test throughout the day they are back up in the 99 area....doesn't make sense, but doesn't look good either.

I'm finding it harder and harder to remain optimistic like I was. I haven't lost the faith, but I'm having to put in overtime to keep the faith.

Incase you didn't figure it out already. This mornings test was a BFN.

Update: So after writing this I got up and went to church. Oh the wonders a good word will do you!

Went to church and got my faith renewed. I picked up some different tests because I just found out the test I've been using is some crap.

Apparentely the old style FRERs like I've been using are not as sensitive as the newer style FRERs and they are BFN when other test are clearly showing a +++. I guess it was a reason I only paid $8. on Ebay for 25 of them.

My temp is acting crazy again and I've had some cramping today.

My temps:
5:30 - 98.4
7:30 - 99.5
10:30 - 99.7
3:00 - 99.5

So I'll just wait it out and see.

4DP3DT - Rough Afternoon Too - Whats the deal?

So I went to my acupuncture appt at 11:30. I was freezing when I left there and I got to my office and turned my space heater on full blast. I just couldn't shake the chill, I feel my skin and I'm hot.... feels like I have a fever. I ask one of the girls that work here with me and she says yeah, you're very hot. At this point I'm so sleepy that I can barely keep my eyes open and I just want to go home and crawl in bed. So I was thinking maybe my temps are flukes and I'm actually just getting sick.

So about 20 minutes of feeling horrible and contemplating getting on the floor in my office and going to sleep I get very hot all of a sudden. I have to switch off my heat, take off my coat and turn the fan on. After that hot flash passed I feel just fine. It’s like I got my second wind or something. It’s weird because right before that I wasn't sure how I was going to drive myself home, and then I felt great. The girl in my office came back by to feel me again when I told her I felt 100% better and she was like you're not hot anymore...what happened. I was like I don't know!

I went shopping for DH's birthday gift. I said I was going to go tomorrow but the weather is really icky here, cold and rainy and I may not even get out the bed tomorrow! Lay there all day work on my homework and watch Lifetime!

Temp was still way up this morning and test was BFN - so trigger is definitely gone:

3DP3DT - Rough Morning

I finally made it to work after a very slow start this morning. My butt has really been hurting me. I don't know what I'm doing differently. Last time it would be sore but nothing like what I've been feeling this time and I'm doing everything the same as I've done before. I was in so much pain during the night that everytime I turned over I was moaning in pain. So this morning after hitting my snooze button about 4 or 5 times I tried to get up and it just wasn't working so I had DH give me the heating pad to put on my hip for a little bit, that finally loosened the muscle enough so I could get up.

Then once I was up I just didn't feel right, can't put my finger on how I felt but it was just weird like I was dehydrated and haven't eaten in like 5 days. So I drunk some water and felt like I was about to throw it up. Needless to say it took a while getting dressed this morning because I had to keep sitting down. Then on the way to work it was 48 degrees outside and I normally ride with my heat on and I had my AC on full blast the entire way.

And get this....my temp this morning 99.7! But I don't feel like I'm getting sick. I thought it was a fluke when I woke up and looked at it. So I took it again about an hour later. I take my temp at 5:30 but I was still in bed at 6:30. At 6:30 it had went to 100.2. I checked it again when I got out the shower and finally got dressed and it had gone back down to 99.2. So I don't know what the deal was this morning. It'll probably be back to normal tomorrow and hopefully I'll feel normal tomorrow too. My chart looks crazy though with that huge temp spike. I've always continued to temp through all my cycles and the progesterone doesn't even effect my temps according to previous cycles. See the temp spike:

2DP3DT - 5DPO - 7DPTrigger - Trigger packing up already?

Thank you all for your encouraging words! You all are the greatest!

So I got some good news today! I remember right before they did my ET they were saying that my outer shell on my eggs were really thick and the sperm probably had a hard time penetrating through. But I forgot to ask if they did assisted hatching to help the embryo's come out the shell. So I was like shucks if they didn't do that then the embryo will have a hard time breaking out the thick shell to even try to implant. I called my nurse this morning to ease my mind and they DID do AH on the embryos. She said yep you signed the paper work saying it was up to them and they thought too because the shell was thick that they would help them out by doing AH....I was like WOOHOO! She laughed at me. She was like so hopefully that will help them out even more! Yep....me to....praying that helps them out even more.


So my back region was a lot better today. Still had to move slowly after getting up from sitting but much much better than the past two days. I think my butt has realized that this is something that will be around for a while so we might as well get used to it.

On the testing front - I love to test out my trigger.....well I don't know if its a love but more like a habit now. Or maybe even a love hate relationship because the only positive I've ever seen was the positive test from trigger and once its gone it never comes back! I've done it the past 2 times I had a trigger shot and those past two times the trigger left on 7DPO - 9DPTrigger and 8DPO - 10DPTrigger. So imagine my amazement when I took my test this morning and the line was almost null and void. It was very faint and hard to take a picture of. I was like what??? I'm only 5DPO and 7DPTrigger how could that be. But see for yourselves:

This is the test I took this AM - Reminder - 5DPO, 7DPTrigger (Oh yeah I POAS, brushed my teeth, got in the shower, then took this picture so it should have had plenty of time to process as it should.) :
See without your POAS goggles you're probably having a hard time seeing the line but the PRO's I know can see it....because its there....just faint.

So I took this picture after I got home, which is the same exact test, except its now dry:

You can probably see it a little better on the dried test.


But the reason why I'm amazed is that its still so early. Compare to my trigger test from December....same brand of HCG and same amount:


Is that not crazy? I thought it was. I'm wondering now, why did I process the HCG trigger shot, so much quicker this time. Any thoughts?

1DP3DT - And We're Off!

I wanted to thank you all for your support, thoughts and prayers yesterday. It really means a lot.....so thank you....thank you.....thank you!

I'm officially in the dreaded 2ww....or 10 day wait as my Beta is scheduled for Feb 29th! I've always tested out my trigger starting at 5DPO so I'll start testing that out tomorrow and it should be gone by 8 or 9 DPO as it has in the past.

I'm not sore at all from ER or ET but my butt on the other hand is a different story. I haven't had to do PIO shots since last July the others were the messy suppositories but geez....my butt is SORE! I have to sit softly and walk with a limp. At ET yesterday I had my nurse draw on my butt where the shot is supposed to go, the first day I did it too low, the second day was in the right spot but yet it still hurts so bad! I guess it just takes getting used to again. Funny enough though the one I did last night isn't hurting but the two from the past two nights are still quite sore!

I'm hoping the wait goes by quickly....I wasn't able to focus at work today at all. I did spend it very uneventful and quiet at my desk with my feet propped up. So even though I wasn't at home in bed I took it easy.

I found this picture to be quite fitting for the moment:

The Babies R In - Back from ET

Hello Ladies.....I would like to introduce you to Pooh, Tigger and Piglet:



We'll start with Piglet in the bottom left corner. The embryologist and my doctor wasn't too pleased with Piglet's progress as he is only 4 cells and looks kind of dark....but we never know....Piglet may be the one that fools us all.

My doctor and the Embryologist was very pleased with Pooh and Tigger's progress. At the very top we have Tigger who is weighing in at 7 cells and Pooh in the far right corner weighing in at 8 cells.

We watched on the ultrasound as the three dots made their way into my uterus. And my doctor said that she was very happy with the two on the right and would be pleased with twins so we wouldn't have to see her anymore.

Following that my doctor had me do 2 IV bags to further prevent me getting OHSS again and we're home and I'm resting.

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers for my little ones.

Egg Transfer tomorrow at 11:30 a.m.

Nothing clever to write today....just praying with all my might that Pooh, Tigger, and Piglet are still growing, and dividing as they should be. All 3 will be transferred regardless of their state as long as they are still growing.

The nurse called today to give me the time to be in. She didn't have a report on my babies as she said they didn't want to disturb them, so it has been one long day and will be one long night praying for my babies and praying they are still alive and growing.

Fert Report

I'm beyond PISSED!!!!

Got the call from the lab and the lab idiots decided not to do ICSI on all the eggs like they were supposed to and split the eggs up did ICSI on half and let the others TRY to fertilize on their own. My last IVF we had ICSI done on all the eggs and my doctor knew this so why would they leave it to chance for my last freaking IVF. I'm so mad I don't even know what to say.

Because of this we only have 3 fertilized - yep thats right! Only 3! I don't even know what to say. And please save the it only takes one because thats the last freaking thing I want to hear right now. I swear it is always something!

So provided these 3 grow and divide as they should....needless to say all 3 will be transferred with a 3DT on Monday.

Update:

I had two options today:

1 – I could sit in bed and cry all day and feel sorry for myself or
2 – I could get up, dry my tears, get dressed and go to my church dedication service.

I chose number 2 and it was the best decision I could have made. I was reminded in church that this is not my fight but from the very beginning I put it all in God’s hands. God is watching over my 3 babies who I have officially named Pooh, Tigger, and Piglet. I will not allow myself to get worked up and stressed out over this cycle but I will continue to pray as I have been and keep the faith that I will get my healthy baby or two that I’ve been praying for.

But to add - I asked the nurse when she called why they didn't ISCI all of them and she said the paper work said for lab discretion and obvisously the lab didn't look at my history to know that ICSI was needed for all last time. This will be something to discuss next week, but for now I'm just trying to clear my mind and focus on my 3 babies that I have growing.

Out the oven and into the dish - Egg Retrieval

17 Retrieved!

Thanks so much for your support it really means a lot. I was so tired and pooped today. We went to the Keyesha Cole Platinum party last night and we didn't even get to see her. It started at 9 p.m. and we were there from 8:30 - 1:15 a.m. and still no K.Cole so we left. It was so packed in there...they had no seats just standing room and it was so packed that when people were trying to walk by they would be like chest to chest with you trying to move through the crowd. So we got home around 2 a.m. and my alarm went off at 5:30 a.m.. The surgery went good....I was out like a light when the guy said you're about to have a good dream and I was gone. I had a hard time waking up from the meds and slept on our 45 minute ride back home and crawled into bed as soon as I got home.

They said they will call with the fert report before 1 p.m. tomorrow. So the wait begins!

Oh yeah the doctor said we are planning for a 3DT because they never decide if they will push to a 5DT until the 3DT. So he said (wasn't my regular doctor but he was really nice) he said that we may be on our way Monday and they call us and tell us to go back home and come back on Wednesday but right now plan for Monday and it may adjust to Wednesday.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

My wonderful husband had me 2 dozen of red and white roses delivered to work. Then I got home before he did and he called and told me to go in the back room and look in the closet and thats where he left the balloon. Then he had me go to the other side of the bed in the back room and thats where the other red dozen of roses were at. I was really surprised as I thought the flowers at work was it, but he really shocked me.

He is amazing and I'm truly blessed to have him! All the ladies at work were walking pass my office saying I knew that you would get flowers!

Update: Oh my goodness he was not done....he just brought me a big bag from Victoria's Secret! He is really doing it up! I love this man! He is too good to me!!!!

Stim Day 12 - Trigger Tonight! Woo Hoo!

So I woke up this morning and got out of bed and was thinking to myself, I don't feel my ovaries at all. So I went into the bathroom and weighed myself, 120 when I'm usually 123. I was like okay ovaries....I hope you're still in there working. The reason I was thinking this is with my first IVF cycle I only made it to 8 days of stimming my E2 was 5,500 when I triggered and I was miserable...I was bloated, I was cramping, I was throwing up, I had diarrhea, I had gained like 7 pounds in water weight and looked like I was about 3 months pregnant and to get up this morning and feel absolutely nothing made me think something wasn't right. So I was talking to my ultrasound tech telling her the stuff above and I was like so I hope they're still in there working and she was like yeah they are definitely working.

Lining: 13mm
Right: 17,17,16,15,14,13,12,12,11,11
Left: 18,17,16,15,15,15,14,12,12,11,11,10,10

Last cycle they retrieved 16 eggs, 10 were mature and 9 fertilized and this cycle they are measuring 23 and we shall know soon enough how many were mature and how many fertilized. I was just sitting here thinking how this cycle and my first cycle are like night and day.....crazy huh?

Update: I'm Cooked!

E2=3134

Trigger tonight at 9:00 p.m. Arrive at the surgery center at 7:30 a.m. on Friday morning for a 9:00 a.m. ER. My doctor is also starting me on 2mg Estrace vaginally the night of ER. She said their reason is because my E2 is high they are afraid that when they take the eggs my E2 will dive and start to break down the lining. So to prevent that they are adding estrogen to keep the lining nice and plump which she said I will stay on till 6 weeks pregnant. I start baby asprin and PIO on Saturday night as well.

Stim Day 11.5 - One more night

E2 = 2515

Todays Report: Lining 11mm,
Right = 17,16,16,13,13,11,11,10,10
Left = 16,15,14,13,13,13,12,12,12,10.

My nurse said my doc wants one more push so she dropped me down tonight to 75 Repronex and 75 Follistim and 150 Follistim tomorrow morning with one more ultrasound tomorrow morning at 7 and I'll trigger tomorrow night with my ER on Friday morning. Wow....this is actually happening....the IVF cycle that should have took place in Nov 07 is finally happening.

After set back after set back I'm finally about to trigger. This is my first cycle that I've made it to with my new RE and since my 2nd surgery to remove my Stage IV Endo and cysts (check out the pics in the October 07 section) and since my diet change.

Lets hope and pray that this is the cycle!!!!

Stim Day 10.5 - Getting Close

E2 = 1642

I found out yesterday's E2 and it was 1,118

Todays report: Lining 11mm Right = 16,14,13,12,12,11,11,10 and Left = 14,14,13,13,13,13,12,11,11,10,10

My nurse still wasn't sure when I would trigger so either tomorrow or Wednesday. She said we should know for sure after my ultrasound tomorrow. I had my acupuncture appt today, it was really good and relaxing. I will have one more before retrieval and if we do a 5DT I'll have another session two days after transfer. He said they don't do acupuncture on the day of transfer but around the time implantation should be taking place.

I feel so much better about this cycle now, I was really starting to stress out about it and thought I was going to have to cancel again, but my body finally decided to respond.

Thanks ladies for all your well wishes, it does mean a lot.

Stim Day 9.5 - Looking Good

Today's report....we are 99% sure that I will trigger on Tuesday with an ER on Valentine's Day. How sweet my babies will be conceived on Valentine's Day. Wait till they are older and we explain to them that we didn't actually have to do the do to make it happen! :wink: Lining 10.1mm Right = 14,12,11,11,11,11,10,10 Left = 13,12,12,11,11,11,10,10 so I have 16 in the running. Right now they are only growing like 1 point a day which by Thursday will put the 11's at 15 and I've read that anything 15 and over has the potential to have a mature follie in it, so I think we are in really good shape and may be able to do a 5DT again, but this time with the Endo gone and transferring 3. I'm hoping that the smaller ones start growing 2 points a day which will move them closer to being mature. But either way its looking good now. I didn't get my E2 today because my nurse said she wasn't gonna call because she had already spoken to my doctor who said she wasn't changing anything.

Stim Day 8.5 - Finally shaking off the cobb webs

E2 = 771

Lining=9mm, Right = 13, 11, 10 and Left = 12,11,11,11,11,10,10,10 trigger will probably be Tuesday with an ER on Valentine's day or Wednesday with an ER on Friday.

So I was pretty worried at the beginning that I wasn't responding, but now I know that my body does what it wants to do and not what I would like it to do.

So I'm still pretty excited about getting the okay to transfer 3 embryos, however I'm an internet junkie and I spent a lot of the night researching triplets and twins. I would love to have twins; however I must admit that triplets make me take a deep breath. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have triplets, well at this point I would take any number as long as they are healthy babies. I am confident when I think of twins, but triplets just make me think like um can you really handle that. But at the same time it makes me small and truly excited!

But right now I just want some sticky beans....if they all decide to stick then great we will work through this together, but please please please at least one does have to stick so this journey can come to a halt!

June makes 5 years and its been a long long long 5 years.

On another note anyone else spell check not working?

Stim Day 7.5 - Finally some good news!

Okay great news.....she agreed to transfer 3! WOOHOO!!! I was so happy to hear that. I know there is still no gurantee but it does make me feel better to know that I'll have three in there fighting to implant! Todays stats: Lining = 9mm Right=12,10 and she said I have a lot of 9's that will most likely be ready to measure tomorrow. Left=11,10,10,10,10 so now I have 7 that are measuring from the 3 yesterday. We agreed that I'll probably trigger on Tuesday for a ER on Feb 14th or Wednesday for an ER on Feb 15th which gives them 10's a chance to grow to like 17 or so. And get this my nurse even had to talk to me about OHSS. LOL! She said this is around the time that my body made a drastic pick up with my first cycle which made my over stim so they just have to let me know. She said too when she came in this morning the nurse from yesterday came up to her and apologized to her and she was like why and the nurse told her that she made one of her patients cry and Nancy- my nurse said WHO? And the nurse told her Tashida and she was like NO WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER! The nurse told her that she told me it wasn't looking good and Nancy said she told her that she should have never told me that, that she needed to look at the big picture and she would have knew I was having a much better repsonse than last time, she said the nurse felt really bad. But O'Well I DID TOO!

I'm actually started to get excited. I haven't allowed myself to get excited because I've hit so many road blocks but I can finally see the dim light at the end of the tunnel. I'm just praying that the surgery, the diet change, the RE change and transferring 3 will get me at least one healthy bean out of this!

Thank you ladies for your support, I do appreciate it. It felt so good to get some comments from you all to know that someone understands.

Stim Day 6.5 - Come on ovaries - Please wake up!

Today has been a very emotional and draining day. Look at my many post and see how much my emotions went up and down:

9:04a.m.: Well I'm going to pull the plug on another cycle. I'm so freaking tired of this! Yesterday they measured right 11c.filled, 11 and Left 14c.filled, 12 and 13. Which made me think I had 3, the c.filled does not count as they are not follies. So today it was right=12c.filled, 11 and left=14c.filled, 12c.filled, 14 and 10. So one they didn't mark as c.filled yesterday is marked as c.filled today. So I still only have 3 after 6 days of stims WTF am I gonna do with 3 eggs. I'm wasting my time and wasting my money. I'm pissed off and angry and I'm tired of going through this nonsense. I'm going to suggest that they put me on BCPs to shrink whatever is trying to grow and put me on the same protocol my last RE had me on with Bravelle and Menopur. Because I have to be out of town the first 2 weeks in March I don't see it happening anytime soon so I don't know what to look forward to. I told DH that if the switch back to Bravelle and Menopur still don't make any follies I'm done. He don't want to adopt and this isn't working so we will live our life just the 2 of us.

3:44 p.m.: So I talked to a nurse, not my regular nurse who was not in and she said that my doctor said if I wanted to cancel that she was okay with that. My E2 went to 417 today from 293 yesterday and I started Ganirelix which normally brings the E2 down a little on the first day. I asked was my doctor okay with continuing with the results I have and she said yeah she was going to keep you going because she thought that was the best response she could get from you until she looked back at your last cycle and saw that you overstimmed with Bravelle. She was like so she was thinking that maybe she could put you on Provera for the cyst (which did not work last time and I still had to go on BCPs) and do a Flare Protocol with Lupron 225 of Follistim and 150 of Repronex I was like what is the deal with this Follistim why can't I just go back on what I know work which is the Bravelle, the nurse said I don't' know what she thinks about the Bravelle since it overstimmed you last time. I was like well we don't have $2000 to keep putting in meds every cycle for yall to keep wanting to try something different when I'm not responding to the meds at all! They wanted to start me on Provera tonight for 14 days bring me in on day 10 of that for a cyst check after 14 days have AF then start cycling again with a Flare Protocol -- that won't work because I will be out of town the first two weeks in March which would be when I was cycling. So I decided that since I'm supposed to see the doctor tomorrow for my history and physical they do before ER that I'll just talk to her then. I'm going to take my dose tonight and in the AM and see whats on the ultrasound tomorrow and make the decision then rather to cancel or not. I'll rather go on BCPs than the Provera because the Provera is just a waste of time as it didn't work last time what will make it work this time! I would be willing to continue this cycle if and only if: If we have three fertilize that my doctor transfer them all. And if we don't have three she can unthaw the 2 we have on ice and transfer with whatever we had that fertilized and divided. She has been so adamant with only wanting to transfer 2 but this is crazy going back and forth like this and paying all this money on wasted meds for their experiments!

7:45 p.m.: I had to remind myself that I've only been on stims for 6.5 days and the norm is 10 days to stim and I've been reading that some women have went longer and still ended up with a ++ cycle. So I told myself that the max I would go is 12 days if I make it that far before my body and E2 start to pick up because any longer than that I'm afraid it will start to mess with the quality. I'm going to run this by my doc tomorrow, but I don't want to go no longer than 12 and whatever we got at that time is what we have. If I stim till Wednesday morning and trigger that night that makes 12 days of stim which is still normal for a lot of women. Their schedule always freak me out because if you read the schedule they only have you stimming fo 8 days and when you research 8 is not the norm. So after looking back and comparing my stats to other stats that have had a ++ outcome, I'm okay for now. I know a lot can happen with the follices in 6 days especially on the dose I'm on so I just have to be patient and let it happen. I looked back at my first cycle and I didn't have anything over 10 to measure until the 7th day of stims....which is tomorrow. So sorry for my break down today. And I mean I really had a break down. Before the end of the night I'll have to apologize to DH because he really took a beating today....not literally but you know!

See what I mean? But the best part is I'm back to myself and ready to face tomorrow....I think!

Day 7 - Stim Day 5.5 - Slowly chugging along

I'm feeling a little bit better today, I've been stimming for 4 1/2 days and this morning I had in my right an 11 and in my left a 12, 13. Not nearly as much as I had my first IVF, but I guess I can focus on quality over quanitity. The schedule that my RE gave me has women stimming for 8 1/2 days so I still have 4 more days for my body to act right and grow so I'm cool I guess and most women I know stim for 10 days so if thats the case I still have 6 more days! Maybe after so many struggles to get somewhere I can get my doctor to reconsider and transfer 3. She was really adamant about it before about only doing 2 because of my age, but my body has proven itself to all that it does not act like a 25 year old but more like a 50 year old! I just have to wait till later this afternoon to make sure that my E2 number doubles and ups as it should.

Update: Guess I barely made it. My nurse called and said "you made it" I was like I didn't know I had a limit. I said if I wasn't at a certain level today were they gonna cancel me and she said yes. I was like oh - but she said you made it. Back in tomorrow. Oh E2 was 298 today, yesterday was 199. My body really does not like this follistim.....but I guess!

Day 6 Stim Day 4.5 Can something go right for once?????

I'm still not responding to the meds. I don't know what the deal is but I'm so freaking tired of going through this nonsense. I didn't have an issue with my last RE with making eggs on a different medicine so I don't know what the issue is now. Right ovary = 10 and 6 small ones and Left ovary = 15 and 4 smaller ones. Lining 6.2. This is day 6 and I should be having a lot better response than this by now especially with the high dose I'm on. My E2 yesterday was only 73 after 3 days of stims.

update: I called my nurse and asked her if we could add in Menopur because I didn't have this issue when I was on Bravelle and Menopur and actually made 16 eggs on that. She was like but we had to supress you for those weeks and I told her that I was on BCPs for 14 days with my first IVF and I still made 16 eggs on Bravelle and Menopur. She said she wasn't sure if Menopur could be added this late in the game but she would ask the doctor about it and see but that I may be able to add it tonight. She suppose to call back and let me know something. They want to see what my E2 is at today.

update 2: Talked to my nurse E2 = 199 and she said thats a nice jump from yesterday so they're happy with that. My doctor agreed to add in Repronex so tonight its 225 iu of Follistim and 75iu of Repronex and 300 iu of Follistim in the AM. My nurse had said that my doctor recommended that they push me as long as they needed to stimming and freeze all the embyos and then do a FET down the line and insurance shouldn't charge it because it didn't make it to ET and I was like not my insurance. My insurance charges the attempt once it makes it to ER. Plus if thats the case I would be using the 2 embies I have on ice rather than trying with a fresh cycle. So that cancelled that idea.

Hellllllooooo Ovaries - Wake up!!!!

Well I just had my first monitoring ultrasound. Its day 4 of my cycle and 1 1/2 days of stims and my E2 was only 26 so they are upping me to 300 tonight and 300 tomorrow morning and back for another appt tomorrow. I kind of figured I would need a jump start after being on BCPs for so long. I got 8 baking in the right ovary and 7 baking in the left ovary. My office doesn't measure anything under 10 so none big enough to measure just yet. We WILL NOT have a repeat of last cycle, so my ovaries will wake up and respond!

Green Light Means We're good to Go!

So I stopped my last BCP on Monday and waited for AF to show. Old faithful showed on Thursday morning. I put the call in to my nurse and she said that my doctor wanted me to come in that day to get my E2 level checked. I was like today? And she said yes she wants you to come in on CD 1 to get checked I was like okay. So I went in and gave my blood and waited for my nurse to call back. My phone rung and I saw the doctors office number show up and my heart dropped. I said hello with the most unsure tone you can think of and my nurse said "We're good Baby! You're good to go!" I said Thank You God! I asked what my E2 was and she said it was less than 20. I asked if I would have to come in for my Baseline tomorrow (Friday) and she said no, they had all they needed and my E2 had came down so they know the cysts are gone. I was like okay. So tonight I did my first injects. Tomorrow I start my injects twice a day once in the a.m. and once in the p.m. I start my everyday appointments on Sunday, a day early as they want to keep an eye on me since they are upping my meds from the beginning. I so pray that this is the end of our long 4 1/2 year journey of TTC and the beginning of our new future!