CD 8 - Stim Day 7 - The thoughts that linger....

Lining: 6.6mm
Right: 12, 12, 10
Left: 11, 10, 10
E2: 1058

So I'm no longer in my oooh this is going great mood. My mood is weird to explain. Its like I know this is our last attempt....yes I want with all my heart for this to work, yet I have this disconnected feeling like I'm sheltering myself from the inevitable. I want this to work more than anything else, yet in the back of my mind I keep telling myself, well if it doesn't work it wasn't meant to be. Which is still hard to accept because you mean to tell me drug addicts, and those who abuse their kids were meant to be? Ugghh the many thoughts that run through my head. However, this disconnected feeling has given me the most unusual and freakish calm ever. Yes, I think about my numbers and hope and pray that they grow, but I have this weird detached feeling that I can't seem to put my finger on. Its like I'm going through the motions, hoping and praying the best and thats its. No attachment at all. Like I'm watching someones else life through a window. But any who, I'm rambling and probably not making sense because I'm not even making sense to myself.....

I'm not sure what to think about all of this. Its so different from last cycle. My E2 is high, but not many follies showing. Last cycle on CD 8 Stim Day 7 I had Right: 11 and Left: 14,10 and my E2: 417. So if you look at it that way I'm ahead of the game, but last time when my E2 was 1118 on Stim Day 10 I had 16 follies growing. Now my E2 is 1058 and only 6 follies growing. I guess I can think quality over quantity, but I at least want something to work with, without having to stim as long as I did last time.

Trying not to stress about it or think to much about it, so I guess I will see what tomorrow brings....