Monday, August 18, 2008

Man, Man, Man! What a Day!

This is a long one.....get comfy in your seat!

8:00 a.m. - Well thanks to a post from a fellow FFer last night she got my mind thinking again so DH and I had another conversation.In this conversation I couldn't for the life of my figure out why I counted out the 3 day embryos so much when it was a 3 day embryo that got me pregnant my one and only time in the past 5 years. No it didn't stick, but I was at least pregnant for about a week and a half. And so many other women get pregnant from 3 day........ So I reminded DH about that, that we did get pregnant on a 3 day transfer.So what we decided is we will go in and see what quality we are working with. If the 2 are great looking 3-day embies we will transfer those and pray and hope for the best. If they don't look good we will ask them about going ahead and transferring them today and asking if its possible for us to come back on Wednesday and transfer one or both of the blast depending on how they looked. I looked at our cost sheet and the transfer itself cost about $1350. We already paid $1500 for freezing and storage, which we obviously don't need now, so if they are willing to do that we would be willing to pay for the extra transfer. But thats if and only if the embryos today don't look worth anything. And if this cycle doesn't work, I guess the FET with our 2 frozen blast will be our last shot at it. DH brought up surrogacy yesterday and I could have poked him in his eye balls because I'm so not ready for that conversation and makes me feel like he is counting my body out before even giving it a shot.
Since last cycle that was a chemical was after wasting 2 cycles on the horrible idiotic RE and it was after my much needed surgery that removed all or some of the junk that should have been done before IVF#1.Any who..... I'll update later and let you all know how it goes. I really do appreciate you all weighing in with your thoughts and suggestions. It really does help!

9:30 a.m. - Wow......I'm shocked. Well my nurse just called me and was like can you call GRS so that we can get the embryos over here. I was like um okay. But whats going on they scheduled me for a transfer yesterday. She was like oh they haven't talked to you . What the embryologist and Dr. ML decided is that they're going to do is transfer the two today and thaw the other two and transfer them on Wednesday. I was like wow, DH and I just had this conversation last night and we said that we were going to ask if that was possible. She was like oh yeah they decided this morning so come in as scheduled then we're bringing you back in on Wednesday. wow....does that really mean they're going to transfer 4......
1:00 p.m. - Well I'm back and nothing was transferred.

As if I didn't have enough stress going on in my life they add more to it.

Mind you this conversation is taking place while everyone around me is clothed but I'm sitting on a table naked from the bottom down with a little sheet draped over me.

I get there and I have a 8 cell and 6 cell both grade B. Its some doctor in there I've never seen before, the embryologist and the nurse and DH and I. Then they get to talking about doing two transfers and how they don't really like to do two transfers because its possible to push the first ones up into my fallopian tubes and cause an ectopic. Okay I understand that. So then it was suggested that I come in tomorrow and do a 4DT with the thawed blast transferring all 4 at one time. Okay that sounds like a plan. Great.

Then the doctor starts on this spill about well maybe we can freeze all of them and put you on lupron for 3 months because I've had great success putting women on Lupron for 3 months right before doing a transfer who has Stage IV Endo. It can double your chances. Then he goes on to say how my E2 is so high and if I get pregnant I could be in the hospital for weeks. He said he know how difficult it can be to wait another 3 months when I've already been waiting and I agreed and said that I'm tired of waiting I've already been waiting 7 months just to get to this point. Then he goes on to say how a woman who gets pregnant on her own E2 number is only in the 200's and my is over 5500 and he think it may have an effect on implantation. So then I said I asked about my E2 before it even went over 4500 and they said it wasn't an issue. Then he goes on to say that it's a never ending medical argument and some people believe it effects implantation when others don't think it do. So I tell him again, I'm tired of waiting and this is it for us. I want to transfer tomorrow. He says okay. (this is the short version as this conversation went on and on for like 10 minutes on why we shouldn't go through with transfer). And where in the world is my doctor who I haven't seen since my history and physical? She didn't do my egg retrieval and apparently wasn't going to do my transfer either!

Then he leaves out and the nurse asks what I'm thinking. I say the same thing again, I'm tired of waiting and I don't want to wait. She looks at DH and says what do you think. He says I want to wait the 3 months and then do the transfer. Of course its easy for all you to say that when you haven't been in my shoes, waiting forever for something you tried forever to make happen. By this time I'm pissed because I feel like I'm being ganged up on like if I go on with this and it don't work then everyone can then say well I told you so. Then this nurse just doesn't stop. (as she is whispering because she know she ain't got no business telling me what she think because it aint her place) She keeps going on and on about her friend who did IVF 5 times, they told her she would never and I mean never get pregnant on her on. Then she went to doctor whoever he was that was in there talking to me and she did the lupron for 3 months and she is pregnant with twins now and I just went to the baby shower on Saturday. So I'm sitting there....still naked as she go on and on. Saying I know you have a lot to think about but you have to decide if you want to wait and have a higher % of it working or if you want to go ahead and have a lower % of it working. And maybe if you wait you too can have twins. And she just keeps going and going and by this time I want to punch her in her throat and tell her to mind her own business! So I finally go empty my bladder and change and I still hear her out there talking to DH about whats so good about waiting. Then I come out and she says I'm sure Nancy (my nurse) will want to talk to you about this, I'll have her call you. I say fine. Thanks. So as we're walking out, as if DH couldn't see that I was already pissed and had nothing to say about the whole thing he says so what are you going to do. I don't even answer him because at this point I didn't know whether to scream or cry. He met me at the doctors so I was walking to my car and he was walking to his and I just walk away with nothing to say at all. So then he text me saying that's why you always feel like you're alone in this because you never listen to what I think. I won't say anything else, do whats best for u and I'm not coming if its tomorrow. ( I already knew this because he can't get off again for his job, but he didn't have to say it like this!)

Great love...thanks just keep pouring it on me! Then I text him saying are you not the one that said an upteen million times why would a FET work if a fresh cycle hasn't worked. Then he texted backed well we already spent over $20,000 already whats it going to hurt to spend 3 or 4 more for a better chance on something that you haven't tried before, but I'm not going to argue with you, do what you want. So then I texted him back that I appreciate the way he just decide what he want to do not taking into account nothing that I've been through and the hell I've been through these past 7 months just waiting. Why didn't somebody think about this bright idea of being on lupron for 3 months when I've been sitting here these 7 months just waiting.
So that's where I am now.......

7:45 p.m. - Come to think about it, I think that nurse was an ultrasound tech....because she did the ultrasound on my belly to see how full my bladder was.....makes it even worse for her 2 cent she threw in.

Okay well in an odd change of events, my nurse Nancy the one I haven't spoken to since she told me trigger called me and asked me what I decided. I told her that I would be transferring tomorrow. She said okay, Dr. ML (my RE) wants to speak to you have time. I said yeah sure. (Shocked because my RE has never called to speak to me....the only time I've spoken to her on the phone is when I ask to speak to her....normally messages are passed through the nurse) She gets on the phone and the first thing that comes out her mouth is "I'm Sorry." That was the last thing I was expecting. I was expecting her to get on the phone and give her thoughts on what the other RE had said. Nope....none of that. She said that I'm very sorry that I wasn't there for your transfer and I will be there tomorrow to do you transfer. I told her that I felt bombarded like no one was on the same page with me but that everyone was against me. She apologized again and said that she was very sorry that her or Nancy was not there for me but that she would be there tomorrow. She then said that we have your 2 blasts here and we'll be ready for you when you get here.

So I have to be there tomorrow at 1:15 for a 1:30 transfer and they will transfer all 4. Today my embyros were a 6 cell and 8 cell so we will see what they are tomorrow.

My mom was very sweet and said that if this cycle doesn't work, that she got $5,000 on the next cycle. But she told me not to give up until I get my hearts desire.


Jennifer said...

I almost fell on the floor when you said that you wanted to punch the nurse in the throat. :) Stay calm and the best of luck with your transfer tomorrow. You're always in my prayers.

Kymberli said...

I'm sorry that you're being put through the ringers and dragged back and forth from one direction to the next. You're in my prayers, and I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

Heather said...

What a draining day! I hope you get some good rest tonight. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

wanda said...

Thats what pisses me off with the nurses. They have to put their 2 cents worth of crap in and thats what it is, "crap" I'm so sorry you had to go through that yesterday. I'll be praying for you today Tashida. You have been through so much. You are a strong woman. I don't think I could go through that much, but you never know until you are in that situation. Your in my thoughts and my heart.