Saturday, August 16, 2008

Fert Report In - Worse than before....

Well the results are in and they are worse than before. Out of the 11 retrieved, 3 were mature and 2 fertilized. So thanks for all the well wishes and prayers, it just didn’t work. And please know that I’ve been at this for 5 years now so the very last thing I want to hear is the ‘it only takes one’ speech. No offense to anyone who the one worked for, but I’m a realistic and right now I just don’t believe in one.

I got the call bright and early around 8:30 this morning. At least they didn’t make me wait all morning for the horrible news. She went on with the spill about starting progesterone tonight and ET will be on Monday as I sat quiet on the phone. She asked if I was there, I said yes I’m here. I then asked if it were possible for us to thaw the two blasts that we have frozen at GRS and transfer whatever makes it. She said that may be possible she has to call the business office and give me a call back later. So as I hung the phone up, fully expecting to break down crying…..nothing happened. One tear streamed down my face….so I thought to myself where are the rest. Nothing. I guess I am more done with the TTC thing than I really thought I was. So I lay there in bed, waiting on DH to come back up stairs from letting the dogs out. He comes. I say, love sorry to let you know but we wasted $15,000 on my broke body. He says don’t say that love, what did they say. Told him the stats, he said “well we have 2 right so the money isn’t wasted and we still have the two that are frozen. The money is gone so no need to bring it up, it’s what we wanted to do so we spent it wisely”. In my head I’m thinking he is so na├»ve…..really…..we’re supposed to be okay with spending $15,000 because we have two that we’re holding our breath on….not at all my dear. Obviously it’s just not meant to be for me to carry child. Something I have wanted since I was 13 years old….nope guess it’s not meant to be. So I let DH know that I asked about the two that were frozen and she said she had to make some calls to see because the transfer is supposed to be on Monday and I probably wouldn’t be able to get the frozen embryos until Monday.

Now I’m sitting here thinking is it even worth my time to be on bed rest after transfer as I have completely lost all faith in my body. I know I can’t count the other two out as they are still growing but this is what attempt #5 including my FET and its kinds hard to reach deep down and find that ounce of hope that may be needed. Nope….just looked again and still can’t find it.So needless to say ladies, this was the last shebang, the last cahoots before hanging up my TTC desires. If it works then great, if not I will be saying adios to all the great friends I’ve made on here.

1 comment:

Kymberli said...

I prayed for better but I will not stop praying for this transfer.

I'm so sorry, Tashida.